Today’s little meditation on spiritual growth: I love thinking about the stages of spiritual growth, and having a map of spiritual development to interpret where we each are at. Thinking of the most basic today: shifting from needs based to beholding other for their intrinsic value. Other for other’s sake, not ours. The ability to appreciate another, not just in terms of my own needs, but for who they really are.

The progression of loving God, others and ourselves….and hence, spiritual growth takes us from a needs based relationship into an appreciation of other for their own sake.

 Just as children are firstly entirely needs based, and then progress gradually to see that their parents are actually people outside of them, and have been caring for them, and begin to consider their parent’s stories before they were born, so it is in the spiritual life.

We tend to first like others because of what they give to us; then we progress to see them and value them for who they are in themselves. This happens in spiritual growth as well.

 Love this quote from Saint Bernard: “At first, man loves himself for his own sake. That is the flesh, which can appreciate nothing beyond itself. Next, he perceived that he cannot exist by himself, and so begins by faith to seek after God, and to love Him as something necessary to his own welfare (the AA step—we need help!). That is the second degree to love God, not for God’s sake, but selfishly. But when he has learned to worship God and to seek Him aright (for His Own Sake not ours), meditating on God, reading God’s Word, praying and obeying…he comes gradually to know who God is, and find Him altogether lovely….we come to know God not just as a meeter of our needs, but as God! Worship necessarily pours forth then.”

  As we start to see God, for God’s sake, we begin to see us for ours. Our names begin to be whispered to us. As Jesus told Peter, blessed are you, because you have now seen who I am, so let me tell you who you are! Our false selves get shaved off, as our true selves encounter the true God. We move from relating to God through only our own needs, and start to see Him for who He is, and thus we start to get a clearer vision of who we are. That’s the path towards true identity.

In short, just as children do–we move from a needs based relationship to appreciating the other for their own intrinsic values. This happens in human relations as well as our one with God. It is like the child who only takes in infancy, then realizes someone is giving to them, and starts to move towards being able to see appreciate and eventually even bless the parent back.

Not based on the parent’s needs (parental inversion, which many suffer from—having to parent their parents) but because we see them for their own value. We appreciate who they are, outside of ourselves. That’s the trajectory of spiritual maturation.

We begin by recognizing our need—all have fallen short of glory etc; but move on to wonder at who God is apart from us. God for God’s sake.

Just as in viewing art—We start to see art no longer as a reflection of ourselves, but for what it is, in itself—as one aesthetician put it. The movement from self-referentiality to true encounter of other, in their unique otherness! Outside of our projections or transferences onto them.

Of course, we have to have our lives, to lay them down; to know ourselves before we can truly sacrifice for others. Jesus knew who He was on the cross. He was not a victim. He actually knew He was a King as He was being killed. If we are not secure in our identities, how can we recognize other’s, or lay down our lives for one another?

We are to love our neighbor, AS OURSELVES—that assumes we know ourselves as loved firstly.

Yet, there is something about moving towards being able to appreciate other outside our own needs for affirmation and approval. That is part of what spiritual growth really is—we are able to see and love other, beyond what they can do for us.

Enjoying looking at what spiritual growth models, and what maturity really looks like practically this season. Fun considering the stages of spiritual development.

 Lots of people get stuck by not having spiritual maps of growth. There are many in scriptures, but I like this simple one by this old saint. That movement from relating to God only in terms of ourselves, to shifting more to considering Him for His Own sake is the movement towards true worship.

 Nice thinking about what spiritual growth looks like today. If friendship is the model, then to value your friend for his or her own sake is the core to good friendship. That mutual beholding and respecting of one another, is the essence of great friendship. And God calls us His Friends.

 And isn’t this what we talk about when we talk about love. Being able to see others for their own amazingness, and even have the privilege of serving their identities.

 There is no comparison or competition in loving others in this way. We are no longer threatened by the domains of their being. But clearly standing in the pleasant identity lines of our heritage, and comfortable in sharing the fruits from our lands, and appreciating the fruits which are growing freely on other’s. This is a mark of maturity.

Our paths are enhanced not threatened by encountering other’s in love. We don’t have to assault or withdraw in order to grow spiritually, we are safe to become.

 Our actual identities are inviolable in Christ, so we can enjoy His creativity in making other’s paths. Both our true identity and our pathways or callings are hidden in Christ. So never under threat. This movement from self referential to Other referential is key. Glad some of the early saints, nailed that down for us in words.