From counseling today: a simple insight I had today while counseling a friend!

Sometimes when I’m counseling I see too much, sometimes not enough. I get insight into people. It’s a gift. Sometimes it is a pain, but usually it’s a blessing. Sometimes it’s like the scene in the movie “Run Lola Run” where she sees the life stories of every person she is jogging by.

Yet, I like having a gift of insight to help people. When I was younger, i didn’t always use my gift from the right motivations. Sometimes I used it to get approval, feel useful or validated-loved. Now, I think i usually use it more out of overflow from being loved. Today, as I was listening to a friend, i felt this funny Grace Voice which said just listen. What I then heard was:

Our gifts don’t make us feel loved. Love does. We can be incredibly successful in planting our gifts, and still not know we are loved. Love goes deeper than our gifts. If we are teachers, knowledge won’t bring us love. If we are counselors, helping people won’t bring us love. If we are builders, building won’t bring Love. If artist, our talents won’t let love touch us at the core. Church planting doesn’t bring you love. Love brings love. Being loved precedes our callings and use of gifts.

If we know we are loved, we will happily overflow our gifts in love to others! And you can sense when someone has that sequence, in the right order in their lives. Their gifts overflow from a place in themselves which is already loved. Then we are really useful to one another!

Again, Love in our core identity, precedes our callings and gifts. In fact, our callings and gifts are expressions flowing out from our loved identity. I knit and knew you, therefore I gave you some cool stuff to “do” in life (Jeremiah’s calling). Being loved in our core identity precedes our pathways prepared beforehand for us-our outer activities in life (Ephesians 2:10).

I’ve watched so many ministers, artists and friends over the years, try to get love through service or sharing of their gifts. Artist, through their sheer talents mostly. It’s meant to be the reverse! We serve from Love. We are loved, therefore we do. To re-frame Descartes’ phrase. Love contextualizes our talents and gifts. It directs them, and Love energizes them naturally or authentically into serving others.

Anyways, nice insight today while counseling. A bit distracting, as I was trying to help my friend, but useful I hope.

We are loved, therefore we serve with our gifts. A loved identity precedes outward expression and use of our gifts. It has to be in that order at the end of the day. Otherwise, we seek approval and intimacy through using our gifts. I did so in college. I helped people in order to feel validated. I’m good at helping people, so when i did, it made me feel useful. But that’s not knowing your loved. Love comes first, and goes much deeper.

So I’ve been thinking about this challenge lately, of letting Love in more deeply, so that all our serving others with our unique gifts, comes from this already knowing we are loved space. Just a thought today, as I was counseling a friend.

When I know I am loved, I’m useful in using my gifts to help others. I’m sure that’s true whether your a teacher, minister, builder apostolic type of whatever. Love is deeper than our gifts. Even as artist, we are rewarded primarily for our talents. But we are more than our talents, and they should be flowing out from being already loved. Many have to stop their gifts for a season, just to soak in Love. If you do nothing for others, who are you, I was once asked in a dream.

Sort of spiritual basics I guess; but I often ask myself, if I can’t help or inspire anyone today, do I know that I am still adored?

I’ve been coming to ask that over many years of my journey. But its a journey. When you can help people, that gift can become the source of self worth, but it’s meant to be reverse–we know we are loved, therefore we overflow in serving with our gifts! I’m sure its the same for those who are very successful in their fields, but very lonely or unloved inside.

If my best gifts were taken away, would I still know I was loved? This is still the basic question! And, is always what I now ask people in counseling. Who are you outside your most overt gifts. Do you know your really loved? That’s sort of the gospel question as well. At least for me. No matter how much success we have by using our gifts, they won’t make us loved. They won’t affirm that deeper knowing in the heart.

Love comes first. Continue to help us know Your Love God, outside of just our gifts. Amen.