On listening well:

“One of the biggest needs in America is to listen better to one another. To slow down and listen to others well. It gives God room to be in the room. And it consecrates conversation. Listening well is a spiritual practice, and one of the greatest gifts we give to one another.” Eugene Peterson.

I remember in one of the chapters in one of my dad’s books, i wrote a poem about his gift of listening to me way past dark. In the evening, my dad and I would stay up talking together. Me talking mainly, and him listening. God bless him. He birthed a babbling brook!

But those times together internalized a deep sense of being heard and seen in my inner heart. And it affirmed a sturdy sense of self. This is what father’s can do—affirm your existence by tuning in. Maybe that’s the highest job. But this is also what we can do for one another daily. Valuing another enough to really slow down and listen well is healing.

So many people I work with have really never been heard well, tuned into, depth listened to. And i love listening to those people, learning to honor their own narratives. To sense the inner cadences of their stories. The gift of listening to one another changes lives, calms anger, let’s pain be grieved, and brings humor back to life.

I was blessed to have a listening father in life, but many weren’t. It’s a very simple gift to listen well to others, but it changes lives.

It is one of the largest love gifts i got from my dad, to feel heard, seen, listened to, and it is one of the most useful ways of actually helping others. Being present in love with others can’t be overrated. My dad listens really well, that might be the part of his life which has impacted me the most in my own development.

All the spiritually mature people I’ve ever met, listen well. They are slow enough inside to pause and be with others. They value beholding others deeply. The space they create by listening allows others to become, to come home to themselves. And that walks a long way in life!

This is why i like reading books and learning from those who have learned to listen well. Some film makers have this gift of depth beholding, many ministers and spiritual teachers do: like Henri Nouwen and others, who wrote lots about how to listen and encounter others well—deep to deep heart to heart, or as Martin Buber put it, I to thou! Those types of encounters make us more fully human, more ourselves. Being listened to from the heart affirms and even calls forth true identity. It’s one of the simplest and most profound gifts we can give one another, for listening is one of Love’s favorite mediums.