We too!

Some words of Hope this week: We all, too!

I just wanted to offer some seeds of hope for my many friends who are now talking about their abuse wounds. About 80% of the people I counsel have been abused on multiple levels: sexual, physical and verbal. I’m usually more surprised when people haven’t been abused than when there were. As a minister’s son and artist, it unfortunately often comes with the territory. It’s also, just part of being human.

It’s a human heart problem, and ubiquitous globally, but there is real healing possible! IF and when we are willing to make our wounds a place of God’s Presence and healing, and stop projecting our wounded visions outwards.

As long as we continue to interpret things through the lens of our wounds, and join the demonic discourse collectively around them, we will remain blind to what the true potentials are, and the Father’s tender heart towards us each. Sitting alone with His Voice is a good staring point, but this too often requires someone to usher that Voice in for you. Who you are outside your wounds, is a big room worth clearing out! And becoming.

There are levels of abuse, but it is the same spirit or way dating at least back to Cain the bible, and it happens to men, women and all races, and nations. Nothing new, under this Sun, but healing is still possible!

I think it’s important to say that abuse happens to all sexes, ages and races. It’s not gender specific, or generational or racial, it’s a human heart problem which has been going on forever. And so can the healing process. It’s very easy to dualize abuse into an us and them status, but this is dangerous. The bible is clearer, that all have sinned and fallen short, and there are the ways of abuser and abused in us all.

Having said that, it’s still wrong, and hurtful and has to be worked through in us to a level where we can actually walk in a forgiven and forgiving heart towards one another and our God. It’s a journey! But it starts by saying, ouch, that’s wrong, I’m angry and hurt. Good starting point. And glad that is coming out this season for many. Hopeful, that it is.

Abuse is a human heart problem, it’s a human nature problem, which is why we need God. But healing is real. It takes time but really can happen.

It starts with admitting it happen, and coming out from the shame and guilt which is usually embedded in the heart after the abuse. So many are taking this first step recently, and that in itself is hopeful.

Then comes the actual healing journey: anger, grief, forgiveness, planting new life in the area of abuse, and heading towards that place of “Father forgive them, they no not what they do.” And even, further, loving the very enemies who abused you.

And actually hearing the Father’s Heart and Voice of Love over your life personally, as if there were no one around and no jobs or pressures, just you and The Father in the universe, and letting His Perspective sink in thoroughly to your own heart and mind.

This is a long road, as many of you know. But it is possible to come out from under the shame patterns, and the control patterns which result from abuse. I’ve experienced it in my own life! Healing is real.

Once people open up or come out of denial, they are usually very angry at first, and need to learn to channel this well—i often use art-is important. Then there is intense grief and shame. This is where we minister Presence, and just be with one another. This is also where Jesus says into our hearts: I am not ashamed to call you brother, sister, friend! Hearing that voice displaces the others!

I often guide others around the rooms in their inner house, and ask them to grieve each room. Often there are unseen places which we didn’t know held pain. Just bringing loving light into each room helps displace depression as well! This also is a process, i often do in prayer with others.

Then often there is a choice to forgive and confess. Most people overlook this part, but it’s essential to getting your inner house cleaned, and moving in new light.

We too usually have sinned afterwards in our hearts towards others, and in taking control in areas where we need to learn to trust again.

This is all basic stuff, but it’s good to think of the whole healing journey.
I’m also very interested in hearing healing stories, especially from friends from nations which have been systematically abused in history. Often these voices have the most wisdom about the healing journey.

I travel lots, and some nations or even cities are more abused that others. Some still in denial, others in an anger phase, others have moved on the forgiveness and new life in that area. I love being part of those journeys.

Anyway, just wanted to thank all my bold friends for sharing their stories, and am praying for the rest of the healing journey in your lives. There really is new life available.

I came through shame guilt, depression in my own life, and have found real compassion planted instead. Specifically for the type of people who abused me. I know it’s possible to actually heal. But it takes time and courage.

My concerns in this current collective confession is that it not turn us against one another, or others, but towards. And that it start the actual healing process in us all! For..

We all have fallen short of the glory, and are all in need of healing.

I often also see us all as both abusers and abused. And we need to be delivered from both ways to be more freely ourselves.

I try now to not even be abusive with my eyes. I’ve found that a helpful practice, to love other even with my eyes. Jesus, who forgave us all despite our abuse of him, taught not even to lust with our eyes. Murder and abuse starts in the heart, and we can weed their ways out of our hearts, through forgiveness and planting new life and ways of seeing one another. I’m excited to hear more stories soon, especially of the healing journey!

As a counselor, i hear abuse stories every day, almost 80% of the people i see have been abused on many levels. And there are levels of abuse. I think it’s important to see that abuse is not a man woman or race thing, it’s a human thing. I’m so glad that many are now coming out and telling their stories. That’s the first step! Then comes the healing process: anger, grieving, forgiveness and putting new life in the wounded area. It is possible, and I myself have come through many stages in being healed in the areas where I was abused.

So I’m never surprised. I’m often surprised if someone wasn’t abused!
This is true among ministers, artists, and most people i work with. I usually just assume abuse, and ask which type. This is sad but unfortunately true for many many people.

Another little warning….

This abuse thing really isn’t meant to turn men against women or vice versa, or race against race. I was personally abused by women, but through the healing process have come to love and appreciate women in a special way. And I think i have become a safe place for women just to be themselves and honored.

Still, this was a process, as at first i did not trust especially older women, as I was abused by two who were supposed to be caring for me. I had to really forgive them in my heart, to get free of fear and hatred towards other. And ironically have a special care now for older women particularly. That’s redemption!

It’s possible through forgiveness to actually love our enemies, and to say with Jesus, “Father forgive them, they have no idea what they are doing.” But first of course, we have to admit something terrible and wrong happened to us. And that seems to be the step people are taking now! That’s good news!

But this is a long road to get that forgiveness fully in your heart. To incarnate forgiveness takes time. And to move in newer ways of life, as we also confess areas we have retreated in fear and shame.

So I will continue to pray for those who are trying to grow now into greater Wholeness in these wounded areas of life. Again, thanks for sharing friends. It’s a great start.

It is good to be angry, hurt, and grieve, and then forgive and confess areas where you have moved in control or fear in these wounded areas. Most people don’t think of confession as helpful for someone who was abused, but it is. More than likely if you were abused, you have areas you also have sinned to contain the pain, or keep yourself safe.

Understandable, but i always ask people—what about your own sins, assuming you had to armor yourself after this attack, and probably still have bitterness towards the type of people who abused you. Bitterness towards and tearing them down is also a sin. As is taking control of your boundaries in a way which allows no one to really love you. To be able to risk love again, is huge in the healing journey, and for enjoyment of life as well.

I’m hear to tell you that Jesus really can heal you, and will walk with you through your whole house, and let you grieve and get clear and walk in newness of life. I’m living proof of it.

Once your rooms gets cleared out through forgiveness and confession, often there is real relief! And shame, guilt and depression do actually lift off you. And energy returns which can now be used to help others.

Abuse is an ancient problem, at least going back to Cain. But historically many have actually healed from patterns of abuse, and lived freer creative and beautiful lives. It’s possible. I’m proof. I’ve learned to weed out patterns of abuse from my own life daily as a practice. And feel like He made me a safe place for others to come and start that same process. No joke, healing is real. We can really be being made whole, and learn to love our enemies with the heart of God.

Of course, it helps to have a Friend who really is acquainted with all our grief and was literally bruised for our healing. And by those stripes and his empathy with ours, we truly are healed. He really is acquainted intimately with all our griefs, and was even in the room when your abuse happened!

I’ve seen it over and over., Jesus is in every room ourselves! I often help people see Jesus in the room when the abuse happened, and sense his personal pain for us! He loved us at that moment to. To get love into those abused rooms, is life changing!

In counseling others, I often ask the Holy Spirit to guide us through the abuse rooms and I try to follow His Pacing with each person. Sometimes only one room at a time, depending on the level of abuse.

But Jesus can clean the whole house over time! I bear witness to this real thorough healing in myself and others! Then learning to walk in newness in those wounded rooms becomes our daily spirituality and practice. It’s exciting to find what that room was really intended for! Our most wounded rooms then become our greatest authority, for He is there speaking love from that place in us for others!

And sometimes we have to ask forgiveness for our anger even at God for not protecting us. Then confess how we went on to protect ourselves instead. This is a later stage of healing, but is essential in restoring our relationship with God.

Thanks friends for sharing! More soon on this needed topic which has come more into the light recently. Good first step. I’m thankful so many are saying they were abused, I now look forward to hearing from those who can say, i was also healed! Now the journey…each voice and story matters! These are exciting potential times of great collective healing. Bringing things into the Light is the first step.

If you want to share your stories with me, I’m open, and I’ll share more of mine. I didn’t really want to tell my whole testimony here, but to offer hope and empathy for my many friends who are starting to share theirs, and enter more deeply into their true stories!

Thanks again for the many who are sharing their hard stories right now. May the Light of His Healing begin to shine more fully and radiantly into the darker rooms in your heart friends this day! I look forward to the fruitful life giving and open dialogue which can come as we take steps towards healing together!

Looking forward to watching the healed, or those further along in the healing journey, start to speak into those who are just starting the healing journey. These are hopeful times for us all, as what was in the dark is being brought into the Light. I’m thankful that people are sharing.

I talk with so many people daily. Very thankful i am welcomed at many types, races and generations of tables. Recently talking about abuse and those who are starting to heal from it. Good and needed conversation i think.

I’m glad the healing journey is starting for many now. Being a person who counsels and has come through abuse healing, very glad people are starting to consider this healing opportunity in our times! We are more than victims! We are even those called to serve from and out of our victimization, and model Love for others.

What I’ve learned from listening and living is that all of us are at different levels of abuse and healing. So let’s be patient with one another, and help others get at least as far as we have come thus far.

God wants to form Himself in the exact area of your wounds, and make His Life apparent and obvious there. For some, this must become their primary spirituality in this season, so that they can truly walk out, be themselves and bless others again. Thanks for your bravery friends in starting the process, now let’s walk on…