How I see marriage: raw notes thus far…

Marriage to me is one way to be thoroughly transformed. It is a high way, and one of the toughest metaphors to incarnate. It requires so much death to self. I think that is what attracted me to it at the start. That I could be hallowed by something which required higher sacrifice. Of course, one need not marry to die. But marriage is a good way to die!

My wife and I are not only very different we are very independent, but we always come home into that space Christ has made between us. It is His new poem He is forming between us.

He likes writing new poems. He told me so, when we got married. If that gives Him pleasure, it’s enough motivation for me to stick with marriage.

I’m most motivated by spiritual growth. So when He told me that marriage would cause the most growth, i selfishly just said yes. I want to mature. So if marriage is the highest method, I’m in, i told Him.
Some people don’t like the idea of what they see as the limitation of marriage. I think God grows things best within limits. Like a canvas helps you frame your art, so marriage provides a frame within which to transform. Everything grows within containers. Even plants. Some containers are bigger than others. My marriage, for instance is a huge. It has room for almost infinite growth as we yield to Him and then one another.

The Third is always where we both lean. In that space, we become more ourselves. Marriage implies that Third space. The new creation space which we are together. And that space is unique to each couple.
When you make a contract with someone, you begin to grow within it’s boundaries. Boundaries are good. This is not that—the land is unique from the sea. God created like that at the beginning, and it still holds. One thing is not another. She is not me. And what we are is unique together.

Just as our physical body contains our soul and spirit, so marriage is a mystery novel that provides a contour for growth.
In some ways it’s less about who you marry, than how deeply you enter the union bond of transformation available within marriage. God offers options, we choose to enter and He meets us. That’s the patterns i’ve seen anyway.

When i first met my wife, i had a dream. In the dream a purple veil was drawn back between us, and I was offered a gift. The gift was a person who had been on a journey before me, and would continue on one after me. I heard a question, do you want to walk a while with my daughter—she is a poem and gem. It’s up to you, but she is worthy.
It was as if i was approached by a girl’s father who was asking me if i would like to take care of His daughter.

If so, you will grow spiritually immensely. She is loyal and true to me, though she is bruised and hurt also. You will have a long journey together and your marriage will be a sign to others of hope and transformation and creativity. Your marriage is a sign. And will be authentic, unusual, unique as you both are. So I will make unique art through your lives together. A sign and wonder. A slanted odd poem of Mine you will be!

So, I said yes, to this voice, and we went on a journey we are still on. A journey of spiritual formation, which to me, is what marriage is.
Unity in uniqueness, both people being formed through the relationship. This one was His idea, so i trust that and return to it’s particular labor. We were not young when married. We knew what we were getting into. My dad’s a marriage counselor, so i avoided marriage as long as a could! (a joke, but sort of true)
She is father’s. I am just taking care of something which is His. Helping her be more whole, as she helps me do the same—that’s how i see marriage. Her poem, the one she is, is God’s poem. I am just tending the lines for Him for a while. Marriage. My marriage is an art collage we are both still collaborating with Christ on. I think it’s already beautiful, but should continue to get even more so!!
Thankful for the new poem we are becoming together today!

My dad has spent 50 years trying to help people have better marriages. That says a lot about him, but also about how important and difficult marriage is. He likes helping people get along, but also saw that marriage was one of the toughest places to yield fruit. But also had the potential to yield the most. All of us are here because two people married-at least physically.

Marriage has the potential to be intensely transformational. If we keep deepening leaning into and becoming in and through it. God seems to like marriage. I do too.

Marriage symbolizes the Trinity of course, but it is also one of the most difficult metaphors to incarnate. That’s one of the things which attracts me to it!

Christ is obviously still working on His with His Church. It’s been a long marital journey for Him. That should tell us something. Marriage is like death and re-birth over and over. Most people don’t want to die to self. We avoid it. But marriage offers the quickest and most thorough method of death to self. Union with otherness. Unity with uniqueness. Marriage is a high metaphor. It has the potential to truly be fine art.