When you have to change your theology because everybody went away, and you thought the rapture happened. Been there.

Reading again this week some articles and books on grief; strangely they’re not sad! Seeing grief as a gift is helpful. Receiving it, as potentially transforming! Grief as opportunity, as a unique tabernacle or place of meeting, interest me. The older you get, the more that grief becomes part of your spirituality. Here’s one little quote

On the gift of grief:

“Grief can become a useful blindness, leading to greater trust. Eventually, we will see, but while we don’t is the space to develop true faith. It’s easy to trust when you see. It’s harder when blind. Grief brings with it, blindness. Blindness has the potential to birth a deeper trust.”

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Another monk, on hearing God’s Voice:

The kindest voice you hear, that is God’s. Listen for the tone of Love. Shut your ears to the roaring of other voices, and stop and listen only to that one whispering your true name in Love. That’s the conversation you want to be in.

The Father’s love for His Son, is the place to find His Voice—get caught up in that conversation. You are included in The Father’s Heart towards His Son. We, too are the beloved.

Today’s prayer…to be or not to be, is still the quest-ion!

You are faithful to form the life of Your Son in me! You are faithful. You are faithful. You are faithful to express the things You desire through me, and with me. You are faithful. You are faithful.

The whole of Reality rest on His Faithfulness. If He weren’t, the universe would collide. He is both good and faithful. That’s the center of Reality. God is good and faithful.

Now He is also faithful to instill the life of His Son in us who believe. It is not that we are able to practice ourself into wholeness. It is that He is able. The One who started a good work in me will complete it! Jesus is doing your identity work inside of you. Transforming and renewing you into His Image, and His image of you!

How does God see us. Through Jesus eyes. How does Jesus see us? As we are.

As we truly are. He sees the real self, the real you. So we trust Him to form that, even when we are partially blinded—or, as Paul wrote-cannot even judge ourselves.

He interprets us, even to us.

Jesus who created our identity, is also in collaboration with us, forming it. How wonderfully creative is that—dynamic. He who made us is re-forming us. And giving us our names over time. The identity process is entirely based in who Jesus is, and what He is doing in us.

We collaborate in forming our identity as we lean into His Identity. Peter was told who he was, as He saw who Jesus was. That’s the principle of identity formation. We get to know who Jesus is, and are told and shown who we are-over time, and through life experiences.

And the entire path of your identity is held in Christ. It cannot be stolen in Him. You are safe to become and get to know yourself in Him. He holds our stories in His Heart. Our job is to lean into and live within His Heart. Then we cannot get identity wrong, or mess it up. For our identities are eternal, and are an eternal mystery in Him, about Himself.  Our new creation selves, are a forever space within Christ! There is a peaceful resting in knowing that Jesus contains my true identity, already now, and forever.

We rest in the fact that He who made us, knows us, has searched and seen us, and we cannot really hide, as Adam and Eve tried. There is no need to hide from One so faithful and kind, who actually wants us to become who we are, and is able to reveal us to ourselves—to whisper our true names to us. The One who contains our names also reveals them to us. And, it turns out, He loves us! So we are safe to become.

 If you want to know who you really are, come to Jesus and seek out who He really is. He holds the secret of your true identity. He knows your white stone name. And He will lovingly reveal you to yourself. We can have the courage to be, because of Him. To not be, is to act as if God cannot see us. He does. Let’s choose to be!

 Then we begin to know face to Face! This process has already begun, our faces come clear, as we stare at His dear Face!

The Tone of Love-listen for that tone…

Imagine or listen to the kindest voice you can hear right now. That’s God’s voice. Whispering beloved intimate beautiful things to you in the tone of Love. Find the tone of love in your heart—that’s His Voice.

The easiest way to hear God, is to listen for the tone of Love. He’s always there.

911:

A friend asked today, where people were on 911. I’d been thinking about that day all day yesterday, of course.

 I won’t go into the whole story of that day for me-it’s a long one, even for me. But the short version is it was one of the toughest things I’ve born witness to, to say the least. I don’t know why, He wanted me particularly to see it, as I’m sort of a soft hearted poetic type, and easily affected by trauma. Yet, I had great Peace in the moment (tangible Peace in my body, and could share it with others just by looking into their eyes), but was shaking (literally) for weeks afterwards. I flew in that morning, and was on the bridge, when the first building fell. More than horrific really. More apocalyptic. A great shaking among the nations. Where was I?

  On George Washington’s bridge NYC. God (i had a dream) flew me in from London to be there and bear witness, though i didn’t know beforehand what it was i was supposed to go see-only that i had to go to NYC.

 Hard day, truckers crying, jets overhead. Trying to stay in His Peace and share it with others. Lots of confusion around, little interpretation. Felt God lift His thumb for a second. Also felt Father’s grief for all sides. Not just mercy but actual care. Also the clouds of smoke were shaped like a dragon-no joke!

 The painful poem of that day, is written on my bones, tattooed on my heart. Then, the bodies and styrofoam cups. All of humanity equal in guilt, and equalized by suffering-our collective hatred running wild, fully manifest.

I think the church was slow to play priest–interpret, and pray. Some did. Yet, God still used it, and is still using it. But it was a serious shaking and warning, not just for America. Not sure we responded well either-some did. And I sort of felt like He didn’t want to to be that way. There would’ve been something more gentle, if our hearts were open.

 We were contained on the bridge for a long time, and evacuated, war jets overhead, as they were afraid of bombs on bridges–especially the first president’s! Seemed, even in the moment, they were hitting all the major symbols (world trade, government, symbols of America, and symbols of nationhood) The whole story was so symbolic. A tragic teaching. Tell you the whole tale another time…Glad to still be here with Him on earth, sorry for those who are not! I still miss them.

 This day, still always gives me pause, and is a real challenge to pray in earnest for all nations! And to be people of true Peace-to work at it, and stay in it, to practice Peace, as the good book says. Until His Peace truly and fully comes, and lamb and lion hang out together, and the nations are set in order. A real challenge to be working towards “that Day”, and ushering it in daily. Good reminder today.

Priest, prophet king—the chain of command based on who God is:

Meditating from I Samuel today, on the priestly, prophetic and kingly aspects of who God is, and how these are reflected in His People, and us daily.

In Judaism, there is an order to spiritual authority which reflects the nature of God. The priest is the highest (which reflects the I Am part of God’s Nature); the prophetic comes next (The Word and God’s communication of Himself); then the Kingship (His Rulership over all creation). This order is revealed repeatedly in the stories of the Old Testament, and perhaps most clearly with Samuel.

 Samuel was set apart at birth under the priesthood. Eli not only trained him at Shiloh, he was also the one used to grant Hannah’s prayer. So the priest was calling forth and even raising up, one who would become a priest, prophet and judge or ruler, and who would anoint Israel first King.

 In our personal lives, our priestly activities are the highest—this is us, ministering directly to God—worshiping Him, confessing our sins, offering prayers as incense etc; then we will hear from Him, as He is Word and communicates Himself and His desires; then we may be led down the mountain to rule with Him over the details of our day. I think this is a daily pattern for believers.

 We wake up as priest, we walk down the mountain with His words and communications for others, and then we rule over the details of our lives.

  My other little point here is this: the higher blesses and calls forth the lower. So priest call forth prophets, and prophets anoint kings.

Jesus of course was all three. He came as a living Word or prophecy of The Father, and He began his rule on earth. But His highest part is “He ever lives to make intercession.” He ministers firstly to the father, and was often seen, while on earth, slipping away to be with Father in their garden space. Jesus prayed.

  And it was the core practice of His personal spirituality. He was priestly, prophetic and kingly in His daily life. He is our model or way of spirituality. So these three areas should be active in our daily lives, and in His Order.

   Another last little sub-point. People can have an anointing and not use it wisely. Saul had a kingly anointing which was released or called forth by the prophet Samuel. He didn’t lose this anointing, even when being foolish. David said in 1 Samuel 26:23: I would not stretch forth my hand against the Lord’s anointed.” People can have anointings, and not use them well. The gifts are irrevocable. What we look for in great leaders is anointing and wisdom. Something to think about when choosing church leadership or your own mentors. It’s more than spiritual power, you are looking for. You are looking for Godly use of power—i.e. in service, humility and love.

an after hours love note to europe:

Europe is always about to close.

i need a light bulb, but i have minutes

to illuminate you; we need something other

than time. We need a broader solution

Something which brings Light to the world.

Still, I’m rushing to the store to get light bulbs

I’m all out of time, but have chosen to work with you friend.

There are so many slots to each day, i’m trying to find yours

so we can groove as One. Until then, will you send me your schedule

I need to know when you are open. I really love you. Sorry

that is embarrassing for you to say, but i mean it. Not just because

I am from here or there, but in fact, i mean it. I love you. Deal with it.

Just as I deal with your frequent and methodical openings and closings.

Let’s make this work for both our sakes.

I wanted to give you something special, after hours.

As I said, and meant, I love you.

Visiting a friend…

 We kept this little studio space we lived in Belgium, before getting our home in Austin. It’s become a creative haven for us, and many others over the past ten  years of so (maybe 12 now). And a place of creative exchange with our many european friends. So thankful for what it carries and continues to carry for us and others.

 Always great to come back. Sometimes, we spend more of the year over here, but recently we’ve been renovating our art house home in Austin, so have used it more as a base of landing and restoration when hanging in Europe. Such a love-space with tiers (and some tears) of memory for us. Good to be back.

 Nice working on our little studio here in Antwerp this week, and getting to be monastic for a bit. Always like awakening to church bells, sea gulls and ship fog horns (some of my favorite things conjoining, convening, co-mingling in mid air!)-like waking up in a morning poem, or a Chagall painting.

 From here, i can see three churches, and europe’s first skyscraper (not as beautiful as the churches). Good to be back friend! Love this little monastic haven studio.

 Getting it ready for the next monks today, along with the church bells and the sea gulls (zeemeeuwen). Nice Saturday in Antwerp. Indian Summer here.

  Pieter Bos (dutch author of “Theology of the Nations”), who i spoke with several times about coming down here, calls this city a creative friend. I’ve always experienced that to be true. Feeling welcome, is needed in our times, as is friendship. So glad to see you again friend.

 These photos (sorry been in a pano mood lately) are just in and from our studio apartment space, and our courtyard garden with fish pond-things like, our czech spices, because Amy learned how to translate all the spices when we lived in Prague, and gifts from friends over the years (some wedding gifts from dear friends, some left by strangers who passed through this way once, some left their spiritual journals or art sketches; i love how spaces collect layers of meaning over time-and how each layer matters, “each person we’ve known and dared to love is part of the exhibition of our lives!”).

  Sorry for the longevity of my musings, just cleaning this space today-i like to integrate art with the seemingly mundane chores of saturday cleaning- and it made me thankful again for the grand narrative of our lives, and how they collage with one another! Life is beautiful also in the end, as well as difficult.

  I’ll put some up of our hood up next. Enjoying being monastic here this week.

 Thanks Antwerp, good to be back friend. We’ve loved being here over the years- it’s good to know we will always be friends. And good to see you again.

  And this is also of course to prove to my wife, that i did in fact clean the space today, as I promised! Nice to see it shining again!

What are the spiritual gifts of your city? Thinking again of cities as people and looking at what their unique spiritual gifts are, and how they are meant to connect with other city’s gifts!