Author Archives: storehaufovic

Today’s song

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Today’s song in Antwerp
Song of clothes drying on a towel on the floor.
Song of early morning conversation before you can talk right
song of seagull at sunset and church bells throughout the day
son of sudden unexpected phone call from friend
song of night hallways with an unseen open window somewhere bringing and ringing in fresh air
song of cleaning up, and messing up the kitchen over and over
song of grilling in evening and game boards with families
song of taking the dog out again, and cleaning the toilet
song of finding my papers where i wrote something i must remember today
song of friendships over time
and how not a single one is truly ever lost
song of each part of the day
song of no part is ever lost
song of the bats showing up at the same time daily
song of that night owl who waits next to my window each night until just the right moment to howl-something ancient about her patience each day
the late bloom is the best
song of my restless dog when it lightenings
song of the normal hours
when things break and have to get fixed
song of that light looking perfect on your shoulders tonight as we sip coffee at sunset
in some cafe
song of each particular day-as it is and was and will be.
song of bells and birds and even skirting squirrels, persistently burying their nuts in evening, as markers for each day, something to return to.
song of the very simple things daily which keep us in place.

Sketches on true identity

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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ID me God!
“Search me, and know me.” King David
Search me and know me, you who formed me;, inform me, over time, through experience, as to who i am. A new creation particularly nuanced in You. Identity is something we discover together-I and God who gradually reveals to us who we are. We do so as we gaze and enter Him and His Life. That is our path of self discovery—to stare at and enter into The Life of Jesus. 
Our identities are found by entering the life of Jesus ever more deeply. This supplies the basic human need to know who I am. We begin to know who we truly are, as we delve into and commune with The Life of Jesus. There are basically three universal human needs: who am I; what brings meaning or purpose to my life: how do I live well. The first is a problem of identity. We were born under amnesia, and one of the great fruits of coming to Jesus, is our version of ourselves awakens. Here, i mean our eternal selves. Our white stone selves. Who I am is literally hidden in Christ.
 
So as we delve into His Life, who we truly are, gets gradually revealed to us-the white stone fades into view. And our path becomes visible. I knew you in the womb, therefore, I called you to do these things, He says to Jeremiah. Our pathway matches our identity. That is, our way of life—how to live well, and what is ours to tend, gets revealed as we press in to the Life of Christ. The “how to” gets answered in Acts 2—we study the word, we fellowship, we actively commune with and remember Christ, and His New Covenant. 
Who am I? Is one hidden in in union with Christ. I am the one known and found in Him. Then He chooses how to gradually reveal us to ourselves over time as we can handle it—we see as in a fogged glass-even ourselves. Yet, our faces come clearer as we go, as we grow in Him and His Life. 
Identity is founded and discovered in Him. Identity is revealed by Him.
Jesus says to Peter, now that you have seen me, let me tell you who you are. We get to know our true selves, by looking at who Jesus is. It’s a 180 turn from unhealthy introspection; to turning all our attention onto Jesus and who He is, and trying to enter His Life more deeply. 
In short, we come to know ourselves by focusing on knowing more of His Life and who He is. Focus solely on who Jesus is, and you will be lead to yourself.
The law or torah is like a standard or clear picture of how things are meant to be. It is spiritual or perfect; but we are not perfect. We cannot even see ourselves, so we need the law to tell us what to do. But what Jesus does is become the torah or law, and write that on our hearts our core identity. So that He is making our core identities align with The Father’s Laws or ways. 
But the story about Jesus is what prophecy is! The whole story of who He is, and what He has done, and is doing—that is the essence of what all true prophecy is about. That’s a way to test words to see if false or true. Are they in the stream of the true testimony about Jesus Christ. Does it lead us into His Life. To meditate on it, to enter in some aspect of Jesus life etc. That is in the stream of prophecy. Does this word lead me to Jesus Himself. It’s a simplifying technique—is this about Jesus. The essence of prophecy is the testimony of Jesus. And then to know ourselves is to enter into His Story or the stream of His Testimony about Himself. In doing so, we come to know ourselves. We become acts of prophecy in Him.
Our true identities are also inviolable and eternal in Him. This is why Paul asks us repeatedly to just stay “in Him”. The fact is that part which is “in Him” is our true self. In this sense, we find ourself by losing ourself in Jesus! This is why union with His Life is the highest state of being. United with and in Him, we know ourselves. That is our home. He comes and dwells and makes home in us, and we are home. We are ourselves. 
The practical is we confess our dying nature, and enter our being renewed nature daily. The way of the cross leads home. We shed our false skin as we enter into His—we cloth ourselves in Christ; we wear His Mind! We come to Him to know ourselves. Our hiddiness in Him is also our source of all action outwardly. We act from this place of communion with Christ. So it is the main space to nurture. It is the seat of our actions outwardly. We come home to go out.
The life of the spirit is this inner chamber with Christ, and getting to it often, so that our outer lives flow from our Center with and in Him. Help me live in and from You today Lord. Then our actions will flow from this secret place in Him and with Him. Our outer will reflect our inner. A tree is seen by its fruit, but grown at its roots and from its roots.
These roots are meant to be grounded in Him Himself and His Loving Nature. Then others will see the fruits grown in this soil. The soil of His Being.
The daily practice of union with Him is our practice.
Union brought into Him
from our hiddenness i saw myself and gave to others
This inner communion is my timeless home from which i carry my wine and chimes, out to the outer banquets in time.
We are the ones eccplised in His Son’s Song go be sung. 
 We are searched and known better than we can know ourselves. Paul said, i cannot even judge myself; only God can fully see me.
Peter’s “living hope, through His resurrection”. In the light of this hope and the 2nd coming, live well. 
Living in Him, is a spiritual autobiography about Jesus. My own calling is to abide within Him, to live in Him. Union might be the mystics title. I’m interested in constant union with Christ, as the way to be who we truly are. He desires to reveal His true Images through our true image.  And yet, as all my friends know, i do not live in constant union with Christ. I bump back and forth and interrupt Him often. Lord come clear in me, reveal me to myself in You, and reveal Yourself in and through my life. Project Your True Identity into mine, so that others see only You in me, and the poem I am is a conduit of the Poem You Forever are! 

Merton on Death and how to suffer well

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Merton on Death:
He really writes about death in a way which is so rare! Death being the ultimate of our “sufferings”—whatever little trial we have today is not compared with death itself, and yet, Jesus swallows up death itself, also we are ultimately free.
So we have no fear of death in Jesus, because He has already overcome it! There is great freedom from fear in this knowing, and union with His Death and Resurrection! This is true understanding of death. Our life is already secured in His death and Life. So we are more than conquerors. We are victors with and in Him over death. death is, as Dylan sang, not the end. But more it is an opportunity to tell and union with His testimony. Death is an act of prophecy in the end. 
Death is not only not to be feared, it is a celebration of His Life! IN this way, Merton could call it a beautiful silence. So our death—the Christian’s death is a testimony of Christ’s Life, just as our entire lives are. But in a key or core essential sense—our deaths are a testimony of His having overcome death itself. For the grave simply could not hold Him! When Dallas Willard died, he simply said, “thank You”. We are lead towards that level of union with Jesus that my uncle also had at death. 
When my uncle died, he was talking about other’s suffering. He was entering Jesus empathy for others who were also suffering, through his own. My uncle was using death as a place of union with the suffering of Christ. Now, that’s how to die. Use our sufferings as a bridge into His, even in death, and then outwards as place of hopeful communion with His resurrection!

The Blood and The Seed

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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a quick meditation (still in progress) on conflict resolution:
 In scriptures, the blood and the seed had to be brought to enter The Presence. The sacrifice, and the planting, the death and the resurrection. He was the first Seed-and unless a seed goes into the ground, it cannot grow. And we are the first fruits of That Seed. But the Seed is planted in Blood. The sacrifice precedes the planting. The fields are plowed first, then the planting, then the harvest. We suffer, so we can know the joy of plowing with angels and harvesting. That’s the pattern.
We die to ourselves first, in order to know the true tree of ourselves. We lose our lives to find them. We die to live. This pattern is throughout scriptures. So we shouldn’t be surprised by death of all kinds, of persecutions, or unjust criticisms; we must die, so that He may live in us. Spiritual death is the first step towards Life. 
Jesus, while on earth, had two responses to criticisms, depending on His audience. To His Own people (those who drew close), He corrected them towards the truth. To outsiders, He remained silent, or gestural. Interesting that He did not always remain silent, but spoke clearly and directly to people, like Nicodemus and many others who were desiring to be close to and understand Him. He had two responses to critique.
One was direct confrontation in Love, the other was silent contemplation to offer room for consideration-silent symbolic sayings to draw people near (parables of being). Both were loving.
Jesus, of course, is both The Blood and The Seed. But His Life is also a pattern of how to live. So His Life contains all the architecture of how to deal with daily and seasonal conflicts.  
The Lion and The Lamb are both present in Jesus example of conflict resolution. Nice study, to see how Jesus dealt with direct conflict. In both cases, He was turning the other cheek. But in one, He was talking while hit, in the other He was silent. What a model! 

The Swords we are…

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Each of us is a sword made of poetry. God picks us up to enjoy the flash of His Son on our blades. Each of us has unique things written on the sword of ourselves. God wields us for His Own purposes and pleasure. We yield our hilts to the King’s hand. 
My life verses are written there, as well as expression and identity.
There are unique aspects emphasized about God through each person. Each person highlights and reflects some special part of who God is. As art reflects the artist, so we reflect God, Our Creator! We are His workmanship created with a path in Him which is eternal and inviolable-Ephesians 2:10! Poems pronounced in time, and then beyond. He is the one who pronounces us, for His Pleasure of expression. We are His images, His expressions. It is an autobiography about God and His Love. 
Yet, many people do not allow their sword to become illuminated by His Glory. Hence they do not really know themselves. We are the ones who have been illuminated by His Son’s Life in us, and are now usable swords in God’s Hand. We are the ones becoming known even as we know. Search and know me, You who made me.
Illuminate my poem for your own pleasure. Take me in Your hand and wield me as You wish, oh Lord. Pronounce my syllables with Your Breath, oh God–do Your grand poetry reading without resistance in me. Let Your Breath flutter awake my consonants and vowels, for Your Joy. Just the Joy of God’s reading, out loud. For we are also Your words to be pronounced in mid air. We are your art to be beheld, your swords to be wielded by You alone. We are Yours to enjoy, as You Desire! 

The Waterfall, The Cave, and our Swords

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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That image of us living behind a horseshoe waterfall, and dwelling in an enormous bejeweled cave with God. Then we turn and look outwards through the water crest and offer things to others. To switch metaphors, we have to live up the mountain, and if we chose, we go down into the valley. But we are not valley folk. We are mountain people, and we need to not define ourselves in the terms of the valley. Jesus lives often in the Valley as well, so we go with Him there, and stay close to Him there. But we have to take care not to assume we are “of” the valley. Heaven is His throne the earth His footstool.
Going back to the waterfall metaphor—we see when we poke our swords through the cascade, that it touches others, and we may get arrows hurled back at us, then we return to the inner cave, but we need not stay there, for Jesus is able to heal quickly. And if we wish to serve others with Him, we may return to the cascade, and the place of interface with the world. And return. When we stick our sword out and interface with the world, we are still protected by the waterfall, yet we make ourself wet with the world.
Some of us have not known the cave well enough, and need to dwell there for a season. These have spent their lives on the crest of the falls trying to help others, but cannot draw from the strength of the inner cave with The Father. Others have only been in the cave, and need to come out and serve others to know of Jesus great labor for the world. To swivel their desk chairs around from the cave and at least consider the crashing of the falls. And the potential glory outside them. The cries and needs coming from the world.
Some parts of the church have known the cave only, or the outer cascade only, and need knowledge of God from the other aspects He would offer us.

We are dying, to become ourselves…

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Jesus comes into that space between desire and action—Phil 2:13. This embodied will idea of D. Willard. Jesus needing to get into that space between desire and action; and this verse goes further in telling us He is able to enter our desires and actions—cause us to will and to act according to Your Purposes. There is a permission involved of course. We are not robots, however, once permission is given, He can lean our desires and actions into His. Jesus becomes ever more in our embodied will. So that we instinctively move more from His Spirit. This is the process of depth sanctification. Jesus sinking into us more deeply. Jesus eclipsing our soul’s (less my pain, more His). This is the process of , “not I, but Christ.” That is the more mature stage of our spirituality—in which we respond through Christ to others. We decrease, as He increases. Ironically, our true selves also come forth and shine in this process. We die, to become ourselves!

Union with His Trusting…

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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Jesus’ trusting in the Father—that space i meant to be our home. We enter into union with Jesus ongoing trust of His Father! That is where we also are secure, accepted, beloved, seen and known. The goal of Christianity is to be caught up in this space of The Son’s trust in The Father! 
To be in Jesus trust of The Father!!! That aligns everything! Sin is put in its right place, and  the true self is revealed. There is peace and comfort, and Reality, in that space between the Son and His Father.

being led…

27 Thursday Aug 2015

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As many who are led, are becoming the sons and daughters of God…
The goal is to be lead-able in every area of life. So we are actually able to be led by His Spirit in each area. We have areas of resistance based on wounds and experience—don’t trust women bec of abuse, so that area it is hard to be led by. But the goal is to heal , so we can be led by….to be led by the Spirit in our sex life. To be led by the spirit in our finances. To be led by the spirit in our friendships (even if we have lack of trust there etc.) Our goal is to be led—“as many who are becoming”….

A Monk’s Post

12 Wednesday Aug 2015

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Discovered this prayer today:
A monk’s prayer I found today: my own translation. Prayers aren’t always short, as I’ve often proven. But this one, felt worthy of print-even virtual print! 
 
I find it fascinating, the idea of praying for Jesus. Not that He needs it, but maybe, we do. That’s a prayer person’s ultimate privilege- taking it to da limit! Of course, He is also always praying for us, but i like this monk’s first step. How can I bless Jesus today? Enough about me, more about Thee. A bit of the John the Baptist thing—i must decrease, so He can increase.
I’m not a great translator, but here goes:
“We can relate to a few of His needs through our own dusty and partial versions of suffering, but can we enter The Father’s heart for Jesus Himself. Can we pray with the Father, for the Son. Of course, we are privileged to even be in that room, but I’m interested in that space. Can we offer our sufferings into His. Can we fellowship with His Sufferings, and then overflow outwards to partner with Him in His labors for others. Can we separate our soul needs and complaints, from His Needs? So that, we are not just ministering from our soul-power-or best intentions, but from His Spirit’s Power, which lives in that space between Father and Son. 
Can we consecrate our sufferings until they stream into His, as David did in many of his best poem prayers? As Jeremiah did, while watching Jerusalem fall, as later Paul did, in chains. Can we make our prayers, His, so that they become the spirit of His Testimony, the essence of His Story—i.e. can we become, in short, living
acts of prophecy. Or as David put it—“I want to be a portent.” By praying for Him, in other words, can we contextualize our own sufferings in His. So we see ourselves as an instance of His suffering and His Glory!
(I like how this monk is always self-commentating as well. I relate to that awareness in prayer.)
Praying for Jesus today…I never think of praying for Him, just with Him, and pray what He is praying (that’s where prayer authority is), but today, i thought, hey, I will pray for Jesus, as if He were a friend (since He is). Were the disciples meant to be praying for Jesus when they fell asleep? I don’t want to fall asleep, I want to pray for You, in your hour  of need.
Of course, it was for their good to pray and stay awake for Jesus, but still, why not pray for your best friend and teacher. It is for our good and transformation to tune into Jesus’ needs.
Plus, people who pray together, get to know one another on another level. Today, He let me pray for Him, which was cool.
Praying for Jesus was like overhearing the Father’s thoughts about His Son. I love being caught up in that space between them-Father and Son (the whole universe is caught up in that conversation really!)—
It’s, also, personally transformative of course, it changed me, because when I drew near, my name was whispered–our true self is illuminated in intercession, like Peter, when we see who Jesus, our own names are revealed—you see who I am, so I will show you who you are. The way to know ourselves is to seek to know and care about His Life. I will keep praying for Jesus, even if it is just for my own sake.”
I like this monk, and it was bold or even brazen of him to pray for Jesus. I also have found it true, that we get to know one another on another level, when we pray together.—spirituality is higher than religion. When we are moving in His Spirit together, we transcend our religious experiential baggage. The letter of the law, becomes the heart of the law. 
 
I often tell couples, just pray together, and you will see each other through Him more, and less through your projections onto one another; and things tend to just sort themselves out in that space. Prayer cuts through lots of false ways of seeing ourselves, others and situations. 
That’s the challenge this monk’s prayer left me with today anyways. Glad to come across it. One way to start, may be to consider praying “for” Jesus (this one who ever lives to pray and intercede for us), then perhaps we will be led to praying with Him; but we will at least have been given a new portion of His Father’s Heart for His Son, and through that for ourselves and the world.  
Not that Jesus needs our prayers, i suppose it is mainly for us. But tuning into His Needs, transforms us. And puts us into a position where we are not constantly concerned with our own needs. We start to pray for others then, more from His Heart. We start to see our own trials as trails into Him and His. At least we join into, a monk’s best prayer. Thankful to find this one today. Sorry again for it’s longevity.