From my journal:

That photo shot in my heart with my homeless friend against and with the super moon! Him, invigorated to be alive again by this rare super glowing white moon, prospects of new work and meaning.

Some art you hold inside until it is developed later! Yet, †here is a grieving of sight. I’ve seen so much from 911 to my local friend tonight in gorgeous moon light. All of it forms me. And informs my heart.

Being in that village in Croatia as the first american; watching the berlin wall start to crumble, living in Jerusalem, seeing the effrontery of the end and beginning of the end of race relations; watching the bodies fall on 911 still sticks into and with me, like falling poems disintegrating into styrofoam dust…without interpretation or honorable funerals.

Making the local front page in Buzet, Croatia, for picking up trash, and drinking great beer with local friends afterwards! What a bash, those friends know how to facilitate life! Happy to have been in the story of the nations. I just keep crying about what i’ve been allowed to see, and be with, in Him.

I’ve had hundred of homeless friends in many nations through the years. They all blessed me immeasurably! I’m still embodying and incarnating all they taught me. And teach me daily.

I myself lived under many bridges (NC, Richmond, Boston, NYC, Albuquerque, San Fran, Brussels, Tel Aviv, and beyond…) for a long time also, and in my car, in parks, and later with ramblers; but, those who have had to find a higher sense of home in themselves without a physical home, always teach me the most. The true shelter is internal. And eternal. Sometimes it’s in one location, often it is mobile, but it’s always spiritual-what Home, really is inside us.

I’m not homeless or an orphan anymore. But that has nothing to do with location or physical shelter.

One day, you’ll see us all in One photo, and it will be gorgeous!

Generations lean into one another, like chapters. We are a continuum of one another’s lines in a grand Autobiography. Usually on earth, three chapters are open at once, which are meant to work together in tandem, be seamed together, but are often torn apart, and and in need of mending. Let’s be book makers friends. The binding is Love.

I like to think of them as generations of God’s purposes, rather than about age. As in the book of Joshua, there are usually three generations in concurrence, or at the same time. Each playing it’s part.

Often, we have to overcome contentions between them, to realize the larger story, and how the chapters fit together. But the narrative stream is always there, if we seek it and learn to live in our part.

Some generations, like mine are meant to connect and interpret and help the generations work together in tandem. It’s a priestly calling, like those fellows in Ezra’s time who went around interpreting the story so everyone could get excited again and understand.

It’s a cool gap seam calling, to hinge things together, and explain them to each other, so they can work more in tandem. But you also often feel the tensions between them and the gaps. That’s our privilege of fellowshipping with His unique sufferings over and in the generations of His Own Purposes. We get to hang out in that gap of becoming and linking with Him!

But the story is an autobiography about God, so He will get it out, regardless of who lives in it! I have a heart to see the generations work together so the story may be told more clearly.

I like seeing how the story knits together. Generational interpretation is underrated. So is book binding!

How to read sacred texts:

Scriptures contain many keyholes to look into God through. The writer’s spiritualities are one. Look at the tone of each writer’s relationship with God. What do they repeat; what is their orientation towards the language used—the tone! Learn to read into God, through these people’s spirituality, as my mentor put it.

When you come to study in order not just to increase knowledge, but to actually meet God, you start sensing the inner meaning of the text. You overhear the tone of the writer’s conversation with God. God is the context, the bible is the text, as another put it. This is how to read devotionally—i.e. as an act of meeting God, and devoting yourself to that encounter.

Our spirituality is meeting God through the stories and words in the book, and then living that encounter out in daily life. If so, learning how to read spiritually is important.

Listen to the individual tones of the writers to determine part of the meaning. For instance in the Psalms written by the priest Asaph, he is writing as a priest, so his concerns are: staying in the actual Presence of God whether on heaven or earth; interceding for himself and his people; and that all of Israel know God. Asaph also passed between heaven and earth lots in his writings. Interesting as he was working in the temple, and knew that thin veil between the realms through prayer. Even when he is speaking of justice against the wicked, he is seeing it from their future. From another dimension in other words, outside of time. Priestly vision, and spirituality his. In that line and way.

You can’t just make the text what you project on it. Empathetically listen in prayer until you hear the actual “voices” of the writers. This is a key to actual hermeneutics, or meeting God through study.

Hanging out with St John and Daniel, talking about our times….

When you look for relevant voices for our times, i am often drawn to two of my favorite writers in the old book: Daniel and St John. Both very different, but both come down on the right note in terms of how to make it through turbulence, intact!

Found this in an old journal today, still felt true, thought I’d share it. I like dialoguing with the old saints, as if they were still in the conversation, as I somehow sense they are!

Excuse my mystical exploits, but it you don’t enter the writings, as if they were alive, then the word goes dead and cold. And we need some living voices in our times to tell a bit more of the truth. I used to write my way into conversation with authors to hear their tones and what they really had and have to say. Still do, actually.

What I realized, upon rediscovering this entry, was that these two men, have become some of my closest friends by studying and entering into them and their times. And they are still speaking into ours!

I’ve studied and sat with St John and the prophet Daniel for many years…they still speak to me, and teach me about even our turbulent times.

Wrote this one day, when i was with them together in prayer and study, talking about this now time, where we find ourselves again. Daniel spoke of Jeremiah and his times, as like ours. Daniel, whose sub-culture was mystics and seers, but who kindly and in care served his king, even when going crazy, has lots to say from his careful study of Jeremiah. Your times, are like ours were then.

You are in the times of Jeremiah, he said! Empires falling a rising, and still redemption’s sweet endless scent still rising. And John, well, he spoke as often about moving in the Light Love Life of His best friend…..made me think again…

What would my friend St John say now, what would my dear brother Daniel say about today!

That’s the way i want to move and think in friends. Their conversation, which they are still having, is worth entering into…. Been listening to them from the beginning— Daniel, a mystic dreamer and a practical man, who served the ruler, interpreted dreams til the people got loose from the endless noose.

What would my two brothers say today in these dark again hours. I’m listening to their voices like Love’s towers, even as I watched ours tumble; i was trying to hear the angelic choirs keep singing songs of hope and mercy reigning somewhere far above us, and somehow en-gutted in our bones as well.

Daniel was practical prophet, and John a close friend-had that friendship spirituality, we are meant to walk in.

Again I hear their voices from different ages, saying the same damn thing—Love until we are released. Have faith that there is in exit ramp into Love! Love, in hope, or even blindness, that this story is meaningful, and has a Grace-full end. Love until we bleed for others, until we walk in furnaces and live in prisons, and still care more for others than ourselves. Trust that we are being formed by Fire.

Theirs was and is an endless love song between them and God, to plunge into there. I’ve entered there. And I won’t stop swimming along side my brothers, as they still speak from the long river. Two very still relevant voices in our times, i think! Good to visit them again today. Felt needed to hear older voices of wisdom still speaking this day, until we call it a Day!

They are both talking in the tone of discernment love and care for others, and even those they were being oppressed by. This is what impressed me first about the two of them. They modeled a spiritually mature response to their times. But that day, they were both talking about mine.

Some good reminders today when trying to study actual church history..try to think of the church as a story, rather than a static object! Try to think of her as a daughter or person, is usually where I start in trying to help others have empathy and care for her journey.

Some people find church history boring. That’s usually because they aren’t studying her spiritual history, her actual living story. What the living part of you, the part which is true authentic and has always been becoming? I often start there. Seeing her more as a person, rather than a series of dates and mistakes. I try to do that with people, and the church. What is its true story, and how can i find that narrative line in each chapter of its life?! And draw it forwards…

When studying church history, it’s important to find the true church in the Church. To find the actual spirituality living stream of the church in each season, as her story is cumulative and has an underlying narrative just as each person’s does! Many people just dismiss the whole story because of the bad chapters, but the real story is always at least implied each season.

Look for the Church in church history. Remember my dream, where there was a river running through History, and at times it trickled, other times it gushed, but the river was always there. Try to study into True Church history. Ask where was God in this epoch of history—where is there spiritual Life! Where the Spirit is, there is freedom, and that is the place God was growing in that epoch of church history.

You can find the true spiritual history of the church by looking where you see the Fruits of the Spirit! Enter there. See what God’s real conversation was, not just how the arguments were being framed.

Spiritual reform movement are helpful windows in seeing her true spirituality. Usually they come after crisis in authority, which is what we have now!

Other take aways….Often, when reform is needed, people turn to some form of monasticism or mysticism to “find God” again! In times of outer corruptions, people turn to inner purity, and practices which put them in deeper tangible communion with God. So you see worship and prayer movements, and simplicity, feeding the poor, study and meditation etc (Benedictines, later Thomas a Kempis etc). So I’ve been following the more mystical ones, and those who are just serving the poor, during this turbulent recent decade; they tend to speak from a more eternal space, and help contextualize things! In Ezra’s time, you needed the levites to even interpret the text!

There are always spiritual options to meet God in each era, since He didn’t go anywhere in any moment of history. You just have to find Him beneath the hype of that day’s arguments. Finding the true church’s voice in our times, is essential, but can require a bit of a hunt. It’s easier to hear the louder less in tuned voices. “Listen to the symphony to hear the daily melody.” as one monk put it!

I see God for instance in the medieval times, the true spiritual stream running and working through education, missions movements, charity etc. Many just look at the corruptions of the church in that era, but lots more was happenings spiritually! God was still in conversation and communion with His People, as He always is. Find the true stream, not just the banks, as one spiritual historian put it! Even today, it is easier to find the faults than the places where the true church is moving, and manifesting the fruits of His Spirit!

Monasticism and mysticism are historically, recurring responses in times of spiritual reform. And they are once again in our time of crisis in the church, and with authority in general. Interesting! Historically, the great mystics and monastic movements occur at spiritually dry or abusive moments in church history! People draw deeper into a purer spirituality! Makes sense.

Just looking at patterns in true church history today. Fun study! Let’s not throw out the baby with the bath water. Or as my Jewish friends say, keep looking in the river, you never know when you will discover Moses floating there!

Things I’ve learned this season (hope it helps and contains at least an intimation of wisdom especially for extroverts or those who find value in constantly serving others externally!

Things I’ve learned in a study season. Confession of an extroverted minister!

It’s ok to pull back and listen to more gentle winds in times of great turbulence. It’s ok to just consider things for a season, and be innerly prepared for the next. It’s ok to reflect and consider what is already formed in your heart, and what still needs to be. What part of God am I learning to incarnate and embody next! Which part of His Face is He revealing this season?!

Even if you are an extrovert, it’s ok, to have internal seasons of quiet growth. But it requires patience. Stillness, and just being with, is work for us.

Taking in the very best revealed knowledge in your silent seasons helps-take in the best spiritual nutrients in silent seasons! Seek truly en-Lightened conversations, where the Spirit is hovering. Go there, enter there, learn from that space in daily exchanges! Seek those conversations!

Find the living conversations around you, where Love and His Spirit are hovering! The most wise thoughts from humble ones are best to ingest when in a rest season.

Action will return, but the root system is treated best in rest and receptivity-even if it looks like nothing fruitful is happening outside you. If you find self worth in helping others, you need to remember, His ongoing work in you, will also bless others, even if you don’t feel like you are helping them.

Sometimes just your presence, when in Presence is enough to bless others, even if you have no practical tools for them at this instant.
Listening in Love is the highest practice.

If you find your worth in serving others, sometimes, it’s good to stop being overtly helpful, and resonate again with Him in your inner being-to find the inner monastery of being again, where just the two of you are sitting and chatting, running or walking.

To just fill up from that communion/ relational space, before giving again. Learning this type of Sabbath-ing with, sustains longevity in service. Sabbath-ing puts us deeper into the Father’s I-amness. It’s a good place to then later, act from. Resting is work for extroverts. Or rather a new Grace to be imparted. When we don’t feel useful to others, we rest again in being worthy at the being level! This develops trust for us.

If you feel useless, when doing nothing but being, you probably need to do less for a while, until you can do action from a deeper place in your heart.
Use your “off” stage seasons to grow in new parts of God, which you are less familiar with. Listen well to what these are, and consider why you haven’t embodied those parts thus far.

Read wisdom literature and slow down to that space of considering things outside yourself.

Sit in water rather than fire for a season. Fire always returns. Water refreshes and sinks into skin, to ready us for seasons of fire!

Trust the season of life you are in, to teach you what you need next. Be patient to let each season fully settle into you. It’s cumulative, even when certain seasons seem boring or less interesting, things are being planted in you, which you will need to be whole and useful.

Be ok, when seasons of change come! Welcome them, with heart opened joy! Joy overcomes fears of transformation. Joy is the opposite spirit of our times! It’s a sign of God’s creativity, and that we are in a collaboration together. In this sense, change seasons are a sign of hope, we are never stuck in our previous seasons of growth, but have a long trajectory into out eternal names!

Find the Cloud and see what new shapes it is forming. Follow and try to contour yourself to that shape. It’s alive, relational and dynamic. Last season’s dry cloud, may form a rain cloud in this one.

God is dynamic, creative, even in forming you! He is making the poem of who you are, even more perfectly expressed, in seasons of rest. Trust that. Keep collaborating! If you need to recall previous seasons to keep hope kindled, do; but know there is another level of formation occurring within you each season, which requires a new level of trust.

Some seasons are more about you. Others more about others. Be ok with both.
Don’t think God is going to keep showing you the same part of His Face. He wants to reveal the Whole Face. So He turns to let you know new angles and aspects of His Being each season.

Find the part of His Face He is revealing to you now. Look deeply until that part starts reflecting on your inner screen of being.

Since, life is a progression into getting to know and appreciate and embody more and more of who God is, we are free to mess up and make mistakes along the way. The dynamic Cloud of His Presence, will find us, if we seek it. Don’t worry too much about your performance, just be receptive to what He is forming in you–say yes, confess, yield until He is all the way into that unformed or decorated room of the house you are! And are becoming. And then follow it’s creative shapes through the seasons of our lives.

True spirituality is relational, so listen as if in a friendship, which we are. It’s a friendship spirituality, so you will know where Your Friend is always in the conversation and communion of becoming. He is with you always, no doubt, but we must stay engaged in the relationship-keep finding the contact point! God is good like that.

Thanks for listening to some confessions of a constant extroverted servant minister, as he becomes!

When God shares you again, as He always does, you will know it was His work in silence which formed that expression, and once again, be in thanks and wonder at His Ways! God always shares us with one another in the end!

So, in short, learn to rest in and into, your particular season of formation, and others will be blessed, eventually, and even in the meantime, from that useful rest!

In Antwerp, the church bells still tell me when to wake up and go to sleep. And the sea gulls also aid me in the mornings, as they must know I need help awaking again to the day.

When you claim, even a plant, it dances into itself! Is it not the same with us?!

And I got my books, my old knife, my grandfather’s hat
a feather given by a cherokee, my grandmother’s bible
and my feet to walk in light. I’m fine tonight.
i got my mother’s bookmark
my father’s words written on receipts-His
sermon notes, i carry with me. So,
I’m fine tonight.
I got my eastern european hat,
my belgian scarf
my wife’s vest,
my friend’s poetry.
I live in this friendship.
I’m fine tonight.
I have the birds i know by name each day
the creatures who trust me to know them
and care. We are friends each day.
So I’m fine tonight.
I’ve got bluejay, hawk and owl
by my side visiting me regularly.
I’ve got wolf and star in my hair
just by staring we know one another.
So I’m forever fine tonight.
I’ve got a father type love in my gut
each day. So I’ll be fine
even at the end of time.
So as for tonight,
I’m filled with the scent
of friendship for all.
I’ve got my sketches of a little man
walking between worlds on a tight rope
between cities and stars he leans into music unseen.
That’s me, you see, so I’ll be fine tonight
with so many friends around.

Until Love is called Today!

Love’s translation of things:
Life is a relationship called Love.
Let’s call this hour Love
and live in it forever.
Let’s call this conversation hope
and stay here all night
Dawn has named itself already
We live elsewhere for now
Let’s call elsewhere Love until it is
called Today.
Let’s call each chat and text Love
Let’s call each silent exchange Love
Let’s call each sermon Love
Let’s call this sweet pressing into one another,
this tender transition,
Love. Let’s call time itself by her name—Love.
To the degree I call you Love
I will know you already, forever.
Virtual love, Physical love
linguistical love. Let’s call our exchange
Love. Let’s name the air breath between us like that.
I will call that stone by its name
I will then call each bird by theirs
I will contextualize each text in Love.
Even my own name is written and discovered by Love.
Love is a way and destination, we arrive in, by Love.
Let’s name life itself Love until we know it fully.
I can’t even know you, but to the degree I call you by Love’s name.
Let’s keep calling one another, until Love is called Today!