North Carolina moves in the tone of sitting. My grandparents, farmers and mill workers still mostly enjoyed just sitting with one another.

Everything there, just sits in its own being and considers things at the end of the day. It’s a “be still, and know” sort of thing. I like that about the Carolinas. Some people mistake sitting for laziness, but that’s a big mistake. Sitting in order to just be, is an active stance towards things—it’s not passive. It is akin to humility, i think.

It says, i’m not in charge of the universe, nor do I want to be. I am instead, an appreciator and participator in the days. Sitting is a needed virtue these days.

In Watchman Nee’s book: Sit Walk Stand, he describes the order of how to live well. Sit with God, walk with God and then Stand with Him in whatever task you are partnering in on earth. That pattern feels true. We have to sit first, then walk and stand. Otherwise we don’t know where we are walking nor why we are standing. I think my home state is good at the sitting part, though at times it drives me crazy how much sitting is going on. Yet, sitting is like sabbathing with what is. It’s a good practice to just sit together and be.

When I leave there, I often forget to stop and just sit with. It helps to be reminded to just sit sometimes. Thanks North Carolina for reminding me to do so from time to time! Although, Lord knows, I’m not the best sitter in the world!It requires and develops patience to just be. But one way to embody it, must be just to sit! At least, that’s how it seems to a runner like me.

Texas, of course, is more of a builder. It relentlessly finds and forms the frontier. I appreciate that aspect of its identity, that, “what happens here, changes the world” mentality, which is the university slogan, or Nasa’s just go to the moon; but at times, it struggles with just sitting.

Interesting to think what different gifts each region, city or nation carries, and what they would look like in collaboration and service towards one another. We probably need the gifts of each region, city and nation to be more ourselves, to be more fully human. But this weekend, i was appreciating the just sitting part of where I’m from. Rest into creative action! We have to be, before we do. Good reminder this weekend!

Good advice from an elder this week:

Just be a blesser and blessing wherever you are! Best advice this week. Go around doing good and being the fragrance of Christ and His Ways—you’ll be fine and live meaningfully then. Thanks friend. He continued..

The more of Him and His Ways people see through your life, the better. Don’t worry about what people think of you, just channel His Ways, so they can see Him more clearly and make their own inner choice about Him. It’s a heart rather than religious choice in the end. It’s a type of leaning towards, as you know. It’s something like saying, ok, we will be friends, that’s true spirituality.
Simple clear reminder this week.

Bless people towards His Actual Name and Identity! Don’t worry what it looks like, or what people think of you. Let your reputation be formed in His Heart. And then just be yourself in Him, let Him be the judge of that. The opinion of people wax and wane, but the Love of God remains the same. Stay in that tone of Love, and just continue to be yourself. Nice reminder this week from a spiritually older friend!

Ok, my mom really is cool!

This weekend, she woke us up practicing old hymns, and Bach, she had to perform for a funeral that day!

My folks do lots of funerals and weddings, which is why i like Klezmer music which can be slowed down or sped up for either occasion! I forgot how many verses those hymns have! And, I forgot how her gift is to really embody the meaning of the song, and plant it in the hearts of others—she’s still got it!
I learn more theology from hymns than a hundred sermons, and how to walk out life as an artist who serves, most from my mom. To integrate one’s spirituality and one’s creativity is a tight rope act! And mom’s walked that line well.

My mom’s a true star! She was in musicals growing up, so I learned all the broadway songs, and costuming from her. She was also a british literature major, so my sister and i memorized most of Shakespeare. I still pull it out when needed!

“In truth I do not love thee with my eyes, for they in thee a thousand errors note, but it is my heart which loves what they despise, who in despite of view, is pleased to dote.” for instance. These sonnets often come in handy!
We really are cut from the same fabric, or fell from the same tree-for better or worse. I hope we continue to bless others, despite ourselves. She sure does! She’s always serving with her artistic gifts! Funerals, weddings, whatever is needed!

Great to collaborate and share life with my mom this weekend! She’s a seasoned in the art of life!

As many of you know my mom is an artist and my dad a minister; it’s a unusual combination to bring under the same roof, much less into the same heart—but, I’ve tried!

And mom is even more dramatic than me! And has cooler costumes! When she got cancer she collected hats—that’s the way to do it!

Anyways, we clearly like each other, though we’ve often needed separate studios to make it work! Her soprano voice still comes down on high C as they say, even after cancer, and she can still hold a large crowd with the heart of her voice. She can still sing! Let’s keep singing and serving with our unique gifts, while here! Such a radiant blessing seeing you this weekend!

Glad to be cut from a similar fabric! Although it’s difficult being green, as Kermit the frog said! But, what else could we be!

Love ya mom! Thanks for being a consummate encourager over the years to me and so many others!! And just for continuing to shine authentically! Good to have models!

You are almost as weird as me! Thankful for that. Plus, we both like cool shoes and hats! And melt under great music and architecture! Love ya mom! So good to see you this weekend Karolyn Chapman, and glad we are still here to appreciate it all!

We too!

Some words of Hope this week: We all, too!

I just wanted to offer some seeds of hope for my many friends who are now talking about their abuse wounds. About 80% of the people I counsel have been abused on multiple levels: sexual, physical and verbal. I’m usually more surprised when people haven’t been abused than when there were. As a minister’s son and artist, it unfortunately often comes with the territory. It’s also, just part of being human.

It’s a human heart problem, and ubiquitous globally, but there is real healing possible! IF and when we are willing to make our wounds a place of God’s Presence and healing, and stop projecting our wounded visions outwards.

As long as we continue to interpret things through the lens of our wounds, and join the demonic discourse collectively around them, we will remain blind to what the true potentials are, and the Father’s tender heart towards us each. Sitting alone with His Voice is a good staring point, but this too often requires someone to usher that Voice in for you. Who you are outside your wounds, is a big room worth clearing out! And becoming.

There are levels of abuse, but it is the same spirit or way dating at least back to Cain the bible, and it happens to men, women and all races, and nations. Nothing new, under this Sun, but healing is still possible!

I think it’s important to say that abuse happens to all sexes, ages and races. It’s not gender specific, or generational or racial, it’s a human heart problem which has been going on forever. And so can the healing process. It’s very easy to dualize abuse into an us and them status, but this is dangerous. The bible is clearer, that all have sinned and fallen short, and there are the ways of abuser and abused in us all.

Having said that, it’s still wrong, and hurtful and has to be worked through in us to a level where we can actually walk in a forgiven and forgiving heart towards one another and our God. It’s a journey! But it starts by saying, ouch, that’s wrong, I’m angry and hurt. Good starting point. And glad that is coming out this season for many. Hopeful, that it is.

Abuse is a human heart problem, it’s a human nature problem, which is why we need God. But healing is real. It takes time but really can happen.

It starts with admitting it happen, and coming out from the shame and guilt which is usually embedded in the heart after the abuse. So many are taking this first step recently, and that in itself is hopeful.

Then comes the actual healing journey: anger, grief, forgiveness, planting new life in the area of abuse, and heading towards that place of “Father forgive them, they no not what they do.” And even, further, loving the very enemies who abused you.

And actually hearing the Father’s Heart and Voice of Love over your life personally, as if there were no one around and no jobs or pressures, just you and The Father in the universe, and letting His Perspective sink in thoroughly to your own heart and mind.

This is a long road, as many of you know. But it is possible to come out from under the shame patterns, and the control patterns which result from abuse. I’ve experienced it in my own life! Healing is real.

Once people open up or come out of denial, they are usually very angry at first, and need to learn to channel this well—i often use art-is important. Then there is intense grief and shame. This is where we minister Presence, and just be with one another. This is also where Jesus says into our hearts: I am not ashamed to call you brother, sister, friend! Hearing that voice displaces the others!

I often guide others around the rooms in their inner house, and ask them to grieve each room. Often there are unseen places which we didn’t know held pain. Just bringing loving light into each room helps displace depression as well! This also is a process, i often do in prayer with others.

Then often there is a choice to forgive and confess. Most people overlook this part, but it’s essential to getting your inner house cleaned, and moving in new light.

We too usually have sinned afterwards in our hearts towards others, and in taking control in areas where we need to learn to trust again.

This is all basic stuff, but it’s good to think of the whole healing journey.
I’m also very interested in hearing healing stories, especially from friends from nations which have been systematically abused in history. Often these voices have the most wisdom about the healing journey.

I travel lots, and some nations or even cities are more abused that others. Some still in denial, others in an anger phase, others have moved on the forgiveness and new life in that area. I love being part of those journeys.

Anyway, just wanted to thank all my bold friends for sharing their stories, and am praying for the rest of the healing journey in your lives. There really is new life available.

I came through shame guilt, depression in my own life, and have found real compassion planted instead. Specifically for the type of people who abused me. I know it’s possible to actually heal. But it takes time and courage.

My concerns in this current collective confession is that it not turn us against one another, or others, but towards. And that it start the actual healing process in us all! For..

We all have fallen short of the glory, and are all in need of healing.

I often also see us all as both abusers and abused. And we need to be delivered from both ways to be more freely ourselves.

I try now to not even be abusive with my eyes. I’ve found that a helpful practice, to love other even with my eyes. Jesus, who forgave us all despite our abuse of him, taught not even to lust with our eyes. Murder and abuse starts in the heart, and we can weed their ways out of our hearts, through forgiveness and planting new life and ways of seeing one another. I’m excited to hear more stories soon, especially of the healing journey!

As a counselor, i hear abuse stories every day, almost 80% of the people i see have been abused on many levels. And there are levels of abuse. I think it’s important to see that abuse is not a man woman or race thing, it’s a human thing. I’m so glad that many are now coming out and telling their stories. That’s the first step! Then comes the healing process: anger, grieving, forgiveness and putting new life in the wounded area. It is possible, and I myself have come through many stages in being healed in the areas where I was abused.

So I’m never surprised. I’m often surprised if someone wasn’t abused!
This is true among ministers, artists, and most people i work with. I usually just assume abuse, and ask which type. This is sad but unfortunately true for many many people.

Another little warning….

This abuse thing really isn’t meant to turn men against women or vice versa, or race against race. I was personally abused by women, but through the healing process have come to love and appreciate women in a special way. And I think i have become a safe place for women just to be themselves and honored.

Still, this was a process, as at first i did not trust especially older women, as I was abused by two who were supposed to be caring for me. I had to really forgive them in my heart, to get free of fear and hatred towards other. And ironically have a special care now for older women particularly. That’s redemption!

It’s possible through forgiveness to actually love our enemies, and to say with Jesus, “Father forgive them, they have no idea what they are doing.” But first of course, we have to admit something terrible and wrong happened to us. And that seems to be the step people are taking now! That’s good news!

But this is a long road to get that forgiveness fully in your heart. To incarnate forgiveness takes time. And to move in newer ways of life, as we also confess areas we have retreated in fear and shame.

So I will continue to pray for those who are trying to grow now into greater Wholeness in these wounded areas of life. Again, thanks for sharing friends. It’s a great start.

It is good to be angry, hurt, and grieve, and then forgive and confess areas where you have moved in control or fear in these wounded areas. Most people don’t think of confession as helpful for someone who was abused, but it is. More than likely if you were abused, you have areas you also have sinned to contain the pain, or keep yourself safe.

Understandable, but i always ask people—what about your own sins, assuming you had to armor yourself after this attack, and probably still have bitterness towards the type of people who abused you. Bitterness towards and tearing them down is also a sin. As is taking control of your boundaries in a way which allows no one to really love you. To be able to risk love again, is huge in the healing journey, and for enjoyment of life as well.

I’m hear to tell you that Jesus really can heal you, and will walk with you through your whole house, and let you grieve and get clear and walk in newness of life. I’m living proof of it.

Once your rooms gets cleared out through forgiveness and confession, often there is real relief! And shame, guilt and depression do actually lift off you. And energy returns which can now be used to help others.

Abuse is an ancient problem, at least going back to Cain. But historically many have actually healed from patterns of abuse, and lived freer creative and beautiful lives. It’s possible. I’m proof. I’ve learned to weed out patterns of abuse from my own life daily as a practice. And feel like He made me a safe place for others to come and start that same process. No joke, healing is real. We can really be being made whole, and learn to love our enemies with the heart of God.

Of course, it helps to have a Friend who really is acquainted with all our grief and was literally bruised for our healing. And by those stripes and his empathy with ours, we truly are healed. He really is acquainted intimately with all our griefs, and was even in the room when your abuse happened!

I’ve seen it over and over., Jesus is in every room ourselves! I often help people see Jesus in the room when the abuse happened, and sense his personal pain for us! He loved us at that moment to. To get love into those abused rooms, is life changing!

In counseling others, I often ask the Holy Spirit to guide us through the abuse rooms and I try to follow His Pacing with each person. Sometimes only one room at a time, depending on the level of abuse.

But Jesus can clean the whole house over time! I bear witness to this real thorough healing in myself and others! Then learning to walk in newness in those wounded rooms becomes our daily spirituality and practice. It’s exciting to find what that room was really intended for! Our most wounded rooms then become our greatest authority, for He is there speaking love from that place in us for others!

And sometimes we have to ask forgiveness for our anger even at God for not protecting us. Then confess how we went on to protect ourselves instead. This is a later stage of healing, but is essential in restoring our relationship with God.

Thanks friends for sharing! More soon on this needed topic which has come more into the light recently. Good first step. I’m thankful so many are saying they were abused, I now look forward to hearing from those who can say, i was also healed! Now the journey…each voice and story matters! These are exciting potential times of great collective healing. Bringing things into the Light is the first step.

If you want to share your stories with me, I’m open, and I’ll share more of mine. I didn’t really want to tell my whole testimony here, but to offer hope and empathy for my many friends who are starting to share theirs, and enter more deeply into their true stories!

Thanks again for the many who are sharing their hard stories right now. May the Light of His Healing begin to shine more fully and radiantly into the darker rooms in your heart friends this day! I look forward to the fruitful life giving and open dialogue which can come as we take steps towards healing together!

Looking forward to watching the healed, or those further along in the healing journey, start to speak into those who are just starting the healing journey. These are hopeful times for us all, as what was in the dark is being brought into the Light. I’m thankful that people are sharing.

I talk with so many people daily. Very thankful i am welcomed at many types, races and generations of tables. Recently talking about abuse and those who are starting to heal from it. Good and needed conversation i think.

I’m glad the healing journey is starting for many now. Being a person who counsels and has come through abuse healing, very glad people are starting to consider this healing opportunity in our times! We are more than victims! We are even those called to serve from and out of our victimization, and model Love for others.

What I’ve learned from listening and living is that all of us are at different levels of abuse and healing. So let’s be patient with one another, and help others get at least as far as we have come thus far.

God wants to form Himself in the exact area of your wounds, and make His Life apparent and obvious there. For some, this must become their primary spirituality in this season, so that they can truly walk out, be themselves and bless others again. Thanks for your bravery friends in starting the process, now let’s walk on…

Meeting God through symbol first—raw notes:

Sometimes people paint their way into the Kingdom. Sometimes the symbol is where they meet God first. And then they work it down into the other parts of life. Chagal for instance, seems to have met God a time or two, and even old Monet through his enormous water lilies seems to have wrestled his way into the Source of beauty. What artist do once at the gate, is up to them—some come all the way through. But, i’ve seen many encounter what is True directly through their creativity.
Knowledge is one way in, but if He really is at the center of what is Real, Lord over all realms, there are other ways in also. Jesus lives in dream as much as in any other place. Many people have direct encounters through dream or creativity. As my mentor put it. Some people are bent on meeting Him in vision and dream first.
I’ve seen this over and over with artist. We still choose what to do with what or Who we encounter. Whether we want to follow the Polar Star we meet in dream, as Heschel put it.
A life of incarnation isn’t easy, and many decide it’s just too much death to self required-too costly to pursue. Other’s go further in deeper once they meet The Gate. I like watching people meet Him in their art though. It’s direct, sometimes ironic, but always real.
If really is the Rock that all people eventually stumble over, then those who seek will find that Rock even if it breaks them into.
Information is just one way in, so is art. The good news isn’t just information.
I guess i believe in evangelism directly though the creative process. I’ve just seen it happen so many times, that it seems so. What comes after, is up to each of us.

Gleaning generations:

I’ve had this inter-generational thing going on lately, in my dreams and real life, being welcomed to the tables of both very old and young tables to be in their inner dialogues, and learn the concerns of each generation’s hearts.

I feel blessed, as I’ve always seen myself as somewhere in between the generations, and like learning from each! Sort of a watershed person, who is in love with whole River across time.

And I really do love all the generations and their gifts and thinking about how they fit together! Maybe i’m a generational interpreter, or at least appreciator of the gifts of each, and seeker of how our stories fit together symbiotically. We clearly need each other!

Regardless, to be welcomed by each generation is such a current joy. I’m a learner of the lessons we’ve each learned thus far. An inter-generational vision brings more clarity on the overall narrative going on!

I feel blessed to get to be part of at least three generations of current dialogue going on! I’ll keep listening and being thankful for each perspective, and considering how it fits into the big story we are all in, and learning to carry and write our chapters in! It’s a joy to behold more of the longer story!

The young are talking about meaningful jobs, finding their context, having hope in hard times. The old are talking about still being useful relevant, having a place to share what they learn. What if these two get together!

The local cooks:

Talking to these guys from local restaurants today—one french fellow, the other from here, another from New Orleans, they love cooking, but also feel the pressure of the industry globally. How to have it all prepped and cook well, have a sense of place, and then go play a gig at night with your band-have a life, in short.
How to balance life in short, in an emerging global city, and keep it real, seemed to be what was most on their hearts. All great cooks, a passion for composition and fresh relational ingredients, but also working 70 hour weeks, so it’s hard to maintain relationships and quality of life balance. Good to learn from the young, and taste their passions! One is the main chef at this french influenced local restaurant. Looks good. Plus, they all have catholic backgrounds and are curious how their faith interfaces with their passions. Good place to start a conversation! Finding calling still matters regardless of your medium.
Do you still like to cook? I asked. What do you cook for yourselves? Yes, but now i have an unlimited palette, so it’s hard at home to find all that i see which needs to come together. Interesting thinking about how one’s spirituality intersects with cooking well! Great topic! Enjoyed talking to these guys today. Look forward to visiting their restaurant: Politique. I learn much from those younger as well as those older! We are all just people at different stages of life in the end.

Saw the international space station cross over last night. I like the idea of the nations dealing with themselves in outerspace, from a higher vision. Art is sort of the same idea to me.
Also, just cool that we wanted to build a station for the nations to float above the planet together gathering information, exploring things together, even while we can’t get along down here. It’s passing over again tonight in this region, i look forward to seeing it again, and praying for global collaboration and Peace as a symbol of that possibility crosses through the sky again tonight.
Outer space and the seas, my two favorite shared spaces, are still the greatest places of mystery to explore together. They are shared space.
The in between are where Love’s negotiations really happen. When everyone is humbled and made vulnerable by the mystery of being here together, conversation can move forward. Doesn’t prayer occur in the in between worlds space?!

My dad wrote the five love languages, but i love language itself!

Especially learning peoples through their languages. I taught english in Israel and other places. Learning some czech today from my friend in Prague. Language holds culture and symbol in it’s tones. How we communicate reveals so much about what we really value.

Such an amazing phenomenon language is! We like to symbolize ourselves and communicate (and how we do so, tells so much about who we are), and we do so in so many ways! I love language still.

If the languages were diversified at babel, they were celebrated at Pentecost, as one teacher told me!

Used to teach english and my mom was an English major. I used to collect etymology and word stories books! Still do.

I often practice my spanish, as we have so many friends who only speak it here.
It’s like each language has it’s own lessons of perception! Language is a wonder!

We make up abstract symbols to tell one another things to express ourselves….fascinating about us! Some words have a toast to being human in them! And each word has it’s own world really.

Yet, the heart is deeper than language, and the heart translates! I love asking people their favorite words in their native language and why? We take english for granted, but it has some rich words also! French has so many aesthetic nuanced words. I love trying to describe a sunset in french. But the spanish aren’t bad at sunset either.

Reading a book of spanish poetry now, and there is an inner musicality to that tongue! Fun thinking about language itself today, and what it reveals about our cultural values! Great learning from my friend today also!

Yet expresses itself through it! So we can sense so much about the inside from the outside, so much about the identity from the cultural expression or outer clothing.

For instance today, i was asking my friend if they have a word for cute in their language. Some languages don’t. There it’s kin to amiable—kind and pleasant. In Spanish it’s more like que linda, but could also be preciosa. Precious. The british would say, dear! You are a dear.

The czechs have another word which means something like cheers to your being! A toast to the being of another is a good idea! I learn so much through language.

My dad studied anthropology, he loves other cultures. Me too! I think i learn the most by seeing how we talk, what words we value and use often. Zatim in czech—see you again, in the meantime blessings, sort of thing. Sort of similar to hasta la vista, o hasta pronto! See ya soon. I often say, i look forward to seeing you in the future; but that’s very formal. Yet true to me. Language reveals the heart.

There is another czech word which is like a toast to someone’s being! Nice. Shalom is similar i think. May you be whole in every area, is a good translation!

Sometimes i wish we could choose the best way of saying something from whichever language does it best! If we think of universal languages of being human, we still have these great distinctions. What are your favorite words in your native language? I would love to collect them as celebrations of diversity of all our articulations of being human!

“Since i am such an extrovert, i have to spend lots of time in the inner garden or upper room or intentional place of meeting and being with His Presence, and i have to do so very often during the day.” Henri Nouwen’s confession, as it is mine. When we are extroverted givers by nature, we have to get to the garden often! I relate. After all, i want to offer more than just my own presence!