To the girl that took his photo that day
The girl, her name was Sophia, who took his photo just being himself in a corner of a tiny local bookshops reading Kafka, that photo she took became more interesting to him than all his books and travels. Even the book he was writing about his life, and his next trip to Paris, which was already booked.
He had been seen in his secret place.
She had asked kindly, can I take your photo, you seem like an interesting artist and thinker, or just someone who is being themself.
Of course, he responded, do you want me to just keep being, or to pose or make a representation of myself for you.
Ha, she said, great question, just keep reading.
So he did, and she took several shots, and he gave her his email so she could send it—“If it captures something.” He had said.
It was a year later, when she sent him the image of himself. It was quiet, meditational, and did indeed capture that day of the season of his life.
So, he wrote her back: “Thanks for the photo, I felt seen, but not violated; beheld rather than observed, or voyeured upon.”
You have a kind eye, he added. And keen. And he meant it.
She never wrote him back, but he always knew, that for one day while sitting in a corner of a small bookshop he had been seen by one angel at least. And that was wisdom enough for him to keep reading.
He was fine with never seeing her again, but she had given a gift to him of being seen, and he had her email, if he ever wanted to make contact again.
For he wasn’t sure if he had ever been seen, which in part I suppose was why he was writing his memoir.
He stopped writing it, once he saw the photo. There was no use in trying to capture more than what she had seen that day.
It wasn’t like the Silicon Valley gatherings he had had to write about, or the many festivals he wrote up. No one was “taking” anything from him in her photo. He was just as much, if not more himself having been seen by someone who wanted nothing more than to see.
This must be how God sees us, he thought. That is when he decided to be a photographer and move to Paris.
//
Another Party
He knew he wouldn’t be around for the next party. He had gotten the diagnosis, and this would be it.
He had been, when younger, the life of the party, but this one he was not hosting and it would be his last. He just knew it.
So he wanted the right costume mainly and to make a good entrance and exit.
He decided on gold for his theme. Like the golden years, or the glory of aging.
He got the right tie first, then the gold flecked polka dotted suit.
He ordered it from Atlanta, as the African Americans knew how to step out on the town there.
The shoes he got from Italy, and they added a touch of silver like his hair at that point.
The hat, from Ireland as usual, but this time he got a tall one which looked stately and funky at the same time.
Earlier in the evening, he shaved and tried it all on. Looking in the mirror, he saw his younger self looking back.
He was ready, and just couldn’t bare to take off the outfit.
“I’ll arrive dressed just like this. It suits me just right. It’s wearing me and I’m wearing it, just like I like it to be.”
Just then, he got a call from his friends. The party had been cancelled due to inclement weather. He looked out at the rain. Sure enough, he said, sure enough.
He thought of the opera, or something which would be heightened enough to wear his suit. He knew time was out soon.
Then, he thought to himself, incredibly quietly for him, “I could die in this suit. And surely someone will throw another party.”