Marriage as spirituality!

The very first question to ask is: Where are you meeting God this season in your own life, and where are those closest to you meeting Him? Can you negotiate your own spiritual growth with that of one another? How can my partner’s spirituality become something I guard and glean part of God from. How can marriage become part of our mutual growth into new parts of God seasonally?!

Has your marriage become part of your spiritual growth and meditation on who God is? How can you honor and make room for the new parts of God you are encountering, while also making room for the spiritualities of those closest to you? How is marriage about mutual spiritual growth? A deep and useful meditation today!

How is my growth effected and infected by yours?! How can we grow in Him simultaneously in mutual respect, and deeper, trust, of Father’s formation in us both, in unique seasons and ways-simultaneously! In short, how can my wife’s spirituality become a place where I get to appreciate and perforce love, more of who God is, and how He forms Himself in us both.

While you are growing also spiritually, how can you learn to tune into the areas your partner is spiritually growing.

The first thing i want to say is your relationship with God changes in medium seasonally, but then you have to allow your partner’s to do the same, and stay in sync with one another, even when in uniquely styled seasons, something remarkable happens—you become a living temple of His Creativity in formation together! You are both in your own new seasons with God, and empathetic to your partners. So you get to encounter both parts of God at once!

This is not unlike in ministry, or basic counseling, when you are able to see where God is forming Himself in the person you are caring for, even though it’s not the part of God you are currently meeting or being formed by. The privilege of counseling is getting to see the complexity of Father’s simultaneous formations in so many people!!! You get to be blown away by His simultaneous formation, transformations and incarnate Love downloads into each all–at once! You never lack trust again, that He cares also for your tiny and beautiful life’s path!

You get to overhear and oversee so many parts of God when helping in authentic and tangible way, so many others. In this sense, ministry is a simple privilege of seeing so many parts of God at once! Marriage is similar! Marriage, as St Paul taught us, is a great mystery and wonder, and yet is one of the highest symbols worth incarnating! Highest art, requires the most sacrifice by nature of it’s definition!

That is a great challenge. But is also metaphysically, doable. One of you may be in a study season, while the others is in a ministry to others season. How to keep meeting while spiritually growing is a core key to spiritually healthy marriage.

Another area I’ve been looking at, is how people who are more spiritually mature or in their callings, are to relate to parents who are younger spiritually, or stunted or not yet growing. What is our responsibility to them. I have so many friends my generation who, unlike me, have parents who are younger spiritually than them.
How are they to work with that in life? The same question would be in you had a non-believing spouse, but it is just as hard to have parents who are immature. How do you balance keeping on your calling’s path while not able to relate to your natural parents.

Jesus sort of said intense things in this area. Who are my real brothers and sisters mothers and fathers—those who are doing the will of God!

The idea of spiritual growth has become popular now, which is good i think. If we make that real. Is Jesus actual life forming in new ways in our hearts each season. Are we letting Him form the part of Himself He is sharing with us this particular season, or are we leaning backwards into parts of Him we already know?

Are we aware of what part of God our partner is learning in each season, and actively supporting that part!? This is huge, because for many of us it is hard enough just to figure out where we are growing with God, much less tune into where He is growing our partners or families. Yet, prayer is key here. And asking our partner—hey, what part of God are you getting to know this season, and how can i support you in that? Two vital questions which bear fruit!

In the coolest way, as leaders, we get to both be in our own season of growth, and aware of how God is growing others. So we get windows into both parts of God. If you are counseling a younger person spiritually, you see and re-appreciate the father heart of God and how gentle etc He is. You yourself may be simultaneously in a teacherly or knowledge season, and growing in His Truths. Yet, you realize that God is working with each person seasonally.

SO where are you meeting God this season? Where is your partner meeting Him? And where are those you are called to love and help meeting God? What conversation is He already having with you and them. Enter and expand that. It’s always already happening, as God is active and alive.

For some there are stones to be rolled away to free up spiritual growth. If they are in a healing season, then help them confess, forgive and plant new life in those places. Do it through prayer and caring relationship. You will be getting to remember the part of God who is the Healer!

All seasons are mediums through which to get to know newer and unique parts of God. You see this is St Paul’s life—he had traveling adventure seasons, and ones where he was writing in prison. Or talking to world leaders. Each season brought new parts of God into contact and reflection with his heart.

In closing, part of spiritual growth, is finding where you are meeting God each season of life! It’s progressive and there is a pattern if you continue to grow up into the fullness! It is the same for those around us who are committed to growth. God is revealing new parts of Himself to each of us seasonally.

When I got married, God motivated me by telling me i would now have access to all the parts of Him my wife had access. That excited me, as I’m motivated by getting to know more parts of God. Marriage for me became part of my spirituality! I’m motivated by growth! And helping others grow. God knew that. And the woman, He gave me had so many parts of Him I had not yet met!

So in addition to telling me that marriage was also fellowship with His suffering (which was funny! not a typical type of motivation to enter something!) He said, it will allow you to grow into much more of Me! That’s all it took for me. I was in. If marriage can become part of mutual deepening formation of the Life of Christ in our hearts, marriage is a great thing! If I can know more of Him who first loved me, then I’m in.

I had a vision of her veil opening, and me having access to so much more of Father God, and she had a similar experience—i will now know Him as pastor and carer for so many nations and peoples…we both have gotten to know so much more of God through marriage, than we would’ve known alone. That in itself is motivation for spiritual marriage. And for sticking with them!

I’m motivated by creativity and spiritual growth in general! Both of these are available in marriage when we meet God through it! I think lots of marriages “fail” because each person doesn’t tune into what part of God He is downloading into their partners! The privilege of that new part of God coming into them, goes un-mid wifed or husbanded! This is a tragedy and creates isolation between one another.

But if we get a more accurate picture of marriage as co-birthing of God in both of us, in unique seasonal patterns. One may be in healing, another in growth of knowledge or carving Kingdom into their fields of interest—but both can stay mutually amazed by the God is forming in both of them in unique ways simultaneously! Marriage is like a vision into the complexity of The Father’s parenting of us all simultaneously!

When I see my wife, i see God forming unique parts into her this season, and she can see the parts of Father coming into me, and we are mutually amazed by the complexity of the Father’s formation in just two people! Imagine if we did that with the world! Seeing all people as meditation on the thoroughness of God’s Love!

That’s one of the great gifts of life long marriage! Watching Him form us both at once. Of course, we must pray for one another and see what God is forming in us, so we can help facilitate that growth; and the parts of rarely similar. Usually, for us, for instance, He is forming nearly opposite parts of Himself in us at once. That creates great trust in Father God to form Himself in us both.

A bit of personal mid-dashing around the idea of Kevanah, or spiritual focus in life from the Jewish tradition!

Kevanah from the Jewish tradition is a helpful concept of spiritual intention when living life, and especially when doing spiritual practices daily. A bit different than “mindfulness” (or more buddhist approaches), it involves bringing your whole self to your daily practices, in order to meet God through them.

I’m finding it helpful, and echoed in pure Christian practices as well. Bit like some of the church practices within the contemplative tradition, but more focused in some ways. It ask us, where in your own heart are you praying from; can you find Only God through your spiritual practices- reading scriptures or helping others, feeding those in poverty or taking out the trash?

Are you in contact with God there-through the daily activities of life!? And are you bringing your whole head, heart and body into that encounter! Good question, especially for those who do many religious practices daily. Are your rituals an actual meeting place with The Living God?!

Spiritual growth in Judaism: To approach things with an attitude of Kevanah is to approach things as if God were already there, and wanting to meet through them! To pray, or read Torah, or help the poor as a medium of meeting God, is a basic tenet in true spiritual practice. To meet God through marriage, taking out the trash, walking the dog, washing dishes or reading Torah, requires Kevanah, and inner attitude of the heart to focus on and seek the Face of God through your daily activities!

God’s already there at the cafe today; God is already there while taking out the trash; God’s already there in bible study, prayer or religious activities; God is already there in listening well to a person….finding that spiritual intention to meet God through all things is the key. God already there meeting you and your wife in unique ways each season, revealing ever newer parts of Himself to you both.

The Jews teach that first, when spiritually younger, we need to learn to hear nothing else but the Shema (their daily prayer) then later, after years of this practice, focus on the full understanding of each word. Focus into fuller incarnation! Good pattern for spiritual growth. Encounter towards deeper understanding of God!

I like that progression from intention and focus to knowing and understanding that happens within the Jewish map of spiritual growth! Devotionally read the word into intimacy with The Word!

St John echoes this in his blessing for the younger spiritually for overcoming by being in the Word, and the elders for knowing God. (I John 1-3) I commend you younger ones for battling in and through the word, and you older ones for know The Father of all Words and languages, brother John tells us!

Nice meditation on the art of Kevanah today. This word has to do with spiritual focus and intention and meeting God through whatever practice you are doing-prayer, scripture study, acts of goodness to others etc. Kenenah is the inner orientation towards the practice. It reminds one of our dear Brother Lawrence’s touched book, “Practicing the Presence”, which also has this idea of how to innerly orient yourself to each daily activity in order to meet and therefore be transformed by God. How to make common activities holy!

And everyone has written about it in their tradition—from the Midrash to Maimonides and up through Martin Buber, who applied it also to viewing art! One of my favorites of his thoughts! That we could meet both by making and viewing art from an attitude of Kevanah! He might call it holistic engagement with our spiritual practices. Trying to find and meet God through them.

Thinking again of Jesus’ words to the fellow who asked Him what the most important of the Laws were: “Love God with your entire being, and then love your neighbors as yourself!” Or, “I only do what I see My Father doing.” As Daniel, the prophet, He had set His mind to gain understanding!

Nice that there is a tradition of this type of spiritual focus within both Judaism and Christianity! St Augustine would put it, “Love God, and do whatever.” Meaning, if we find and meet God through all we do, it will become holy! There is nowhere God cannot be met, if we have the right heart focus!

God is meet-able in all we do, but it seems to require kevanah! We must choose to focus our intentions, will and heart. As Dallas Willard, the protestant minister who wrote much on spiritual formation, used to teach, Grace is both passive and active. We do something in our spiritualities. We put to death certain things, we lay down the old self, we take up the new creation and bring to the Cross the dying false self, as Thomas Merton might put it! Spirituality is not passive, and requires a certain active spiritual focus.

Otherwise, we are just acting out hollow religious practices. Even the Reform Jews saw this, and felt it was a distraction to have to pray in Hebrew if you had another native language. First learn the heart of prayer is aiming your entire being towards God, then learn the prayers itself. The prayer or Torah reading is a medium towards and encounter of The Messenger, as Buber put it! Nice meditation today, and focus!

As religious practice alone does little for us. But practice with spiritual heart intention—i.e. with the whole being turned towards God as you do, in expectancy of meeting Him, is another matter. It becomes then a transformational tabernacle of meeting for us.

Their concept of kevanah is really helpful. It could be compared to some of the historical christian practices such as lectio Divina etc. But the essence of it is to focus one’s entire being on God as you do things. Jesus said something similar in summing up the Law—Love God with your whole being—heart, mind, body; and then love others as yourself. He knew kevenah!

How to bring your whole inner self into outward actions is a useful thing to consider in these scattered and scattering days! With a sort of collective global attention span problem, it’s good to think about what the Priest Henry Nouwenn would call, “coming home”. We do our part, and God is always there, and here doing His! Grace is still a collaboration. And our job is to enter in with spiritual intention!

Fun study today on how to read or pray with spiritual intention from a Jewish perspective:

Let me end with Moses Maimonides, the Jewish medieval philosopher’s, wise words on the subject of practicing Kevanah, or spiritual intention with one’s whole being (fun reading those who try to teach the un-teachable!):

“The first thing you must do is this: Turn your thoughts away from everything while you read the Shema, scriptures, or during the Prayer [the Amidah], and do not content yourself with being devout when you read the first verse of the Shema or the first paragraph of the Prayer. Wait til you actually sense the Presence of God. Then say thanks with your whole being. Close it, and re-open it.
When you have successfully practiced this for many years, try in reading the Torah or listening to it, to have all your heart and all your thought occupied with understanding what you read or hear. After some time when you have mastered this, accustom yourself to have your mind free from all other thoughts when you read any portion of the other books or the prophets, or when you say any blessing, and to have your attention directed exclusively to the perception and the understanding of what you utter, and the One who utters it then through you!”

Notes from devotional readings today!

A little meditation on Psalm 50 today: Is God really hungry? Love that question He asks His people in the poem. God’s tone is tangible here! He’s definitely talking to humans–folks like us! And Asaph captures it! Does He really need our religion, the tabernacle then later the temple; do they contain Him who made the very wood and stones used for their construction….Asaph as a priest, could probably see when people were being phony with God! Or had slipped from true relationship to hollow religious practice.

I love this poem by Asaph who was one of David’s choir leaders. It’s sort of a corrective for overly religious people who have lost the heart of their spirituality. The tone is great. God is even being funny. In someways, it seems like it’s written to the choir—or priest. God says, look. I don’t need your religion, your animal sacrifices. I made all the animals you sacrifice to me! My favorite line: “Do you really think I’m hungry? If I were, I wouldn’t tell you!”

That’s God being cheeky, maybe not facetious, but at least ironic, and corrective of religion. Do you really think I need your sacrifices? He ends on a more hopeful note—be thankful, because thanks prepares a way, actually into God!

Great Psalm, and the tone is hilarious. Other gods did evidently get hungry, need child sacrifice or fruit sacrifices; or, were capricious in their needs like the Greek gods—but this One is saying, look priest and people, do you really think I’m hungry! I love it when Father gets cheeky with His people.

It may be a corrective for overly religious priest or folks, as Asaph would have smelt hypocrisy and religious spirit a mile away! Look, all your sacrifices are great, they orient you, but I made everything you are sacrificing, do you really think I’m concerned with your religious practices. I’m much more concerned with your hearts, that’s where i want to write my Law or Ways. You read the law, but don’t ingest it, or really live by it! Jesus said the same thing much later.

Anyways, I like it when Father is funny in His rebukes! Very down to earth! And I seriously doubt He is hungry! But we certainly are! Had a nice spiritual chuckle reading this one today! Thankful it was written. Let’s keep it real folks.

Just hiding and shining out down here, it won’t be long til we are all home. And know and can pronounce our names. Or rather, let them be pronounced.

I lean myself into my words, until i become them.

Certain cities carry integration:

A quote from a friend who recently visited a city which made her feel more whole, or able to invite more parts of herself into the same house.

“That city lets all the parts of myself come under one roof!” My friend said of Jerusalem. They don’t have to struggle against one another-we are both being ourselves, where we are at. They can be in active dialogue and respect each other. Integrative cities! Places where the whole self can be and come home!

“I’m able to be my whole self there, even while it is all present and becoming. I’m able to bring the parts of myself into one city and bless her as she does.”

Our biographies often align with our city’s. Mapping the two helps us chart our trajectories. We are mirrors for one another! How your own story relates to your city’s matters, and is part of your mutual healing, or becoming more whole. We are also not victims of our cities, we are co-laborers of becoming with them!

Why are you in a healing or haven city? Why in a powerhouse building city? Why in an alpha versus a mid sized entreprenuerial city? How does your personal story relate to your city’s? And where are you both at in your journey? Fun questioning my way into these city and life conundrums today!

We live where we are, but it’s good to know where our stories overlap! What city do you feel most fully yourself in? And why. How do your journeys meet. How does your narrative fit into your city’s? Love to read some autobiographies which included the autobiography of the cities we live in! And how they reflect and refine one another!

For this woman, the city she visited carried integration. Some cities have an integration gift, others a haven until you see gift. Each city has it’s gifts and shadows as each person. Knowing which city carries what you need seasonally is a key to meaningful journeying, and spiritual development.

We choose where we live, and need to know her story before we came along, and see how ours fits in, and can potentially bless our city. This is part of being in loving mutually formational relationship with our city.

Thinking about humor today, as part of who God and we are:

God is also funny! People underrate His humor. In college, i studied humor (which in itself was funny! There are many very serious books written on what humor is, and how to be funny!)-the simultaneous placing of things normally in different rooms into the same-the sudden paradoxes which make us laugh, or the exaggeration of something we already know, but hadn’t considered in an inflated form-hyperbole creates laughter, as does odd juxtaposition.

Even pun, a lower form of linguistic humor, is making us aware of multiple uses of the same word simultaneously! Something about that sudden aha in a fresh pun, that could also mean that- makes us laugh. God liked to pun with Jeremiah, you will remember! And many others who enjoyed that type of exchange.

Aristotle in his “Poetics” has a great chapter on the nature of comedy. In it, he speaks of the necessary laugher to earn a tragic moment. Indeed, the two do go hand and hand–laughter and sorrow. They appear to be tethered to same post in Reality! Laughing and crying simultaneously is part of the human condition. Don’t miss either, as they say!

Freud thought humor was an act of power over something inferior. We laugh at, to feel more powerful than others. Interesting, but cynical at best, his theory. I tend to think more it is an act of hope for all our wholeness. The Father even chuckles at us trying to figure out how our humor works. I could almost hear Him today laughing as i wrote about it.

In my spiritual journey, i’ve come to value God’s humor more and more, as I get older. There is deep chuckle in Father’s throat as He deals with us all. One we need to echo daily for one another. This too shall pass, yes, but also, we are genuinely odd and funny, even in our rebellious states. Life is always deadly serious and hilarious simultaneously. God has to laugh to get by, as one monk put it! We certainly need more laughter in our days as well!

Laughter creates trust and is the atmosphere of friendship and prayer. A friend is clearly someone you can let down your hair and laugh with. And God is into friendship-His favorites He always calls friends.

Even prayer can be playful. If He wasn’t funny why would He make us, and want to be in some sort of relationship with bumbling stumbling forward fools, who are clearly a series of hilarious contradictions.

Life is deadly serious, and hilarious-don’t miss either part of God. Sometimes we get too austere to be useful.

Let’s not take ourselves too seriously, and, instead, enter into the Father’s endless chuckle with us as we become ourselves. Joy is not just a idealistic fruit of the Spirit, it’s part of who Father is. “There is a deep chuckle throughout the universe, which includes us.” (as one monk put it!)

I’ve never heard a great sermon, which lacked some humor, and the great ones, usually start with it. Humor sets the stage for Wisdom to enter! Humor places us in between, so we can receive truth. Entertainment means to enter in between. To take someone to an in between space is a responsibility. What you do then, once you have everyone laughing, is up to you.

The Hopi Indians used to always send in the clowns before the chiefs and wise men. A great preacher tells several great jokes before launching into whatever Wisdom he or she has been given!

Of course, entertainment can be escapist, but doesn’t need to be. To laugh is preparation for reception of a new truth, as one funny zen monk put it. If I cannot laugh at myself, I am in trouble in terms of encountering the Almighty, as a hasidic jokester put it in the medieval days. If we can’t laugh, when we look in the mirror, we probably aren’t seeing ourselves clearly! Humor is simply part of being human. A needed and precious part of being part of His Image and Reflection. Let’s laugh on friends!

“Never mind whether God exist, try finding a plumber on Sundays!” as one comedian put it. “Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they never meet!” as said another. Or, “The Lord said to St John, come forth and I will give you eternal life. John same fifth, and won a toaster.” Life is still funny people! And so are we.

A counselor’s confession:

Some nights i have the favor and fervor to bless through depth listening. And so i do. People just tell me their inner, unheard stories and I listen and feel like i am so blessed to know and behold them.

People perhaps tell me too much, but it goes into some unseen blanket of Love, where our inner tapestries are eventually written. I’m overwhelmed by each of us. And amazed over and over again, by Our common Father, who is constantly, leaning in to hear us, in and into, Love!

I’m writing a longer more detailed version of this true life story elsewhere, but felt like sharing a condensed version here, because it’s a cool story, that i got to be a character in!

One day, when i lived in Paris, i saw a man about to jump from a high bridge. He already had his legs on the other side, and his body was trembling in wind.
Immediately, i felt The Spirit’s pacing as I walked slowly towards the man. I made eye contact, and was directed to pull out a sketch pad and draw three images. I did so—a door, a gate, and church house with steeple. Simple images. I was surprised how quickly and clearly i drew them with charcoals.

I approached the man, and held them up. Then started praying out loud. Amazingly, the man could understand me and started crying and speaking to me in fluent french, as if he understood everything i was saying. We conversed like this for a few minutes through tears. He then hugged me, came off the bridge and we walked to a nearby feeding shelter in a church. Everyone knew him there, and embraced him openly and lovingly.

That was my favorite day ever in Paris.

What struck me most was how The Spirit can communicate across cultures directly into a person’s heart, using images and prayer language, if we stay available. Since then, i have had other similar experiences, but I’ll never forget that one. Watching the Spirit save that man’s life, motivates me to stay available as I roam.

Praying for cities today….
The translucency of cities! When we pray for them, they become see through! Pray, to see, as my mentor put it. Prayer is also a method of interpretation. We then see through His Heart–the best lens.