Van Gogh and me, a lifestory! Van Gogh and I, and a guy named Noah:

I first encountered Van Gogh in a closet. Someone had put an old print in a corner of my parent’s closet. At the same time i discovered it, i was friends with an older artist named Noah, who did mostly abstract expressionist pieces. One, i remember, was called “The Face of God”-it was a black and white cosmic piece. I liked Noah, and I immediately liked Van Gogh’s work as well.

One was more representational than the other, but both spoke to my developing heart about a larger reality, a higher ground. I’d always seen angels and mystical things, so I knew the tree was more than just a dogwood, that it also symbolized Trinity itself, in the case of the dogwood tree, had always seemed obvious to me.

Noah killed himself soon after i discovered Van Gogh in the closet, and it was very sad for me. It made me wonder about the artistic pursuit of seeking truth and God. And it made me want to make a haven for artist, even at a young age before I could even shelter myself.

Later, i started a ministry called “Noah’s Other Boat”. It was for the Noah’s or life seeking artists who were pursuing a truer center through art. But the metaphor also included all the discarded things God wanted to preserve, as the animals were in the bible story of Noah.

All those vulnerable creatures, God wants to preserve from the floods of destruction, dissipation, and dis-integration on every level. To provide a place of safety and integration, a floating studio of healing or making things whole again.

Of course, Van Gogh also killed himself. I think if I would have known him, we could’ve talked it through, but one never knows. Still his art has more life than most people ever live.

When I went to Arles, and visited many of the other places he painted, I could see what he saw there, and how he wanted to share it. A kind generous soul really.

But there was no Noah’s Other Boat for him, outside of his relationship with his brother Theo (their letters are gathered in “Letters to Theo”). Their correspondence is so tender. I still read it for inspiration.

Anyways that boat went with me all the places I’ve lived: Winston Salem, Richmond, Boston, Albuquerque, San Francisco, Austin, Prague, Antwerp, Paris…the heart of that boat for artist and the discarded has never stopped floating in me. Probably never will.

Artist are like spiritual astronauts, and it’s not easy being green, as Kermit said, especially if you are flying between realms, i would add. Artist are also like knife sharpeners under water! They deal with keen perception of where mystery dwells. They like the prophets live between worlds, and bridge heaven and earth.

I used to draw this little man walking a wire between earth and heaven with music as the sky between. It was one of my first dottles in a sketch book. Over the years, this little stick figure has returned and the map has gotten more clarified. I’ve added saints and angels for instance, and rays of musical notes. I’ve added cities and even smoke.

But at the end of the day, we all have human heart problems which need to be solved so we can live well, and continue with meaningingful lives.

Recently when the great fashion performer and designer Alaxander Mcqueen died, and then more recently Robin Williams, I had that same feeling in my gut as I had when my friend Noah died. How sad there was no boat to carry them home. If only i would’ve known, i could’ve at least given them directions to the ark! King David was an artist and he knew the direction. And how to live near the ark. I hope I’ve learned better how to live near it.

Artist, not unlike ministers, tend to struggle most with finding a meaningful context. Entertainment isn’t satisfying enough, neither is celebrity. Both offer forms of validation, but not of the heart, as you can see by the number of suicides, or burn out. There must be a higher context for the arts, and for ministry on that note- something more spiritually grounded, I’ve always felt. The Ultimate ground of being, must be somehow livable, and able to connect to in a practical fruitful way.

We also often need a better philosophy of the arts, or better yet, a theology of the imagination. I’m still working on mine, but we need a context, for our creative quest-ions. “Artists wrestle with Reality itself.” That’s a tough match, so guidebooks along the way are welcome, as are havens from the floods of dissipation as St Peter called it, around us. Beauty is medicine for ugly times, as someone wiser than me must have said by now. So it the endless quest, highlighted by artists, for what is Real, essential, absolute, what really matters. Saints monks and artist overlap in this pursuit. Some make it to the gate, other’s turn back, some walk all the way in, and find Love and true self acceptance.

Anyways, Noah’s Other Boat is still afloat! And, it appears, needed now more than ever.

“The way to know God is to love many things deeply.” Van Gogh, the pastor turned artist!
In college i helped edit a book called “Van Gogh and God”—great little book on his personal spirituality and how it came to express itself primarily through art. Just came across a copy today, by one of my professors and friends Cliff Edwards.
He also wrote a nice book on the Japanese poet Issa, who is one of my favorite nature lovers. Even loved flies that haiku poet. That was a man who could see through things. (https://worldstudies.vcu.edu/people/religious-studies-faculty/edwards.html) Here’s a link to my teacher. Good man, well studied but it led him towards humility. He’s also a great book artist! Makes huge sculptures with old books! Or used to when i was there.
Also Dr Edwards was always available as a teacher and as a person, and has a contagious curiosity about where religion and art intersect which got planted in me! Thankful for real teachers in life. They are helpful. And still studying artist’s spiritualities and where art and faith conjoin and intersect. The inherent relationship between true identity and creative expression is one of my life topics! On a personal and city wide level. How culture is meant to flow from core identity, interest me! And how to restore this vital connection or true image, is part of my own healing journey. Thankful for guides along the way today!
Van Gogh wrote to his brother Theo (“Letters to Theo”) about painting from the “absolute self”, to paint the essential nature of things. Interesting quest! I like what artist think about! They become great teachers of how to interpret more deeply.
I’ve had a long journey with Van Gogh, having gone to Arles and many of the places he painted over the years, and seen most of his works. Such a vibrant heart, who made great art.

More on life lessons from each season thus far:

I still like this idea of thinking about what you learned from each season of life—marriage has taught me humility, that there was so much i had no idea about, that we can get to know someone deeply through many seasons of life is such a gift; and that I’ve gotten to know parts of God I never would have otherwise.

In a funny way, marriage seems to teach us to fellowship with His Sufferings for one another! Though they may not sound like a fun reason to be attracted to marriage! Suffering with and for brings deeper transformation in us.

If spiritual growth is your core motivation, as it is one of mine, marriage is a great method! Not the only, but a effective one, if you keep diving into Love, and His Perspective of the other person He is sharing with you!

But, also it’s almost like you have access to that other person’s part of heaven or parts of God, and that’s astounding in my case. Of course, we have sort of a mystical marriage, but I’ve gotten to travel into so many more parts of heaven-specifically into The Father’s Heart and realms, and practical formation down here, by being married.

And just simply gotten less selfish—marriage forces that, if you stay with it. There’s much more I’ve learned from being married, but at least that much. Enjoying thinking about what I’ve learned from each season of life thus far! Good practice to recount it, i think! Ok, more on what I’ve learned in marriage later, but just getting some rough sketches of all it can form in us down here!

I know lots of people are anti-marriage in my generation, but I see it as one of the most subversive alternative punk options for spiritual formation on earth! It’s the hardest, so must be one of the best ways! It’s like sharpening knives underwater, or many other images. Marriage is still one of the best containers for becoming who we really are on earth! It requires the most “death to self daily”—that alone would make it a noble pursuit!

Ok so someone asked me what did you learn from that season of life? So, I’m writing a little series of what I’ve learned from each season of life thus far! Fun meditation! I’m writing longer (yes, even longer!) articles on another site, but thought I’d share little glistenings here as well just for fun.

The person who originally asked me was talking about when I lived in Switzerland years back and studied at L’abri, a creative christian community started in the 60’s by Francis Shaeffer and his wife Edith. I was told it was a place which could help integrate my arts and spiritual backgrounds. To bring the art world and the church world under one larger roof has always been a central passion for me. I think it started that process in me.

Well, so a short version of what i learned or incarnated there: that there was no area of Life where we could not meet God. That Christ was Lord over all of Reality including the arts and imagination, and every other realm, so we are free to pursue our identity callings in whatever field is authentic to us.

It was a permission giving place in that sense, and one of integrating the arts and church world for me. That creativity was part of being human and so part of our authentic relationship with Christ, so should be dynamic, alive and one of a kind, in that sense.

I always felt like they were meant to be in the same room, and this place and the teachers there gave me permission to do so in myself. Permission to just be and pursue excellence in whatever your heart’s interest was–your inner calling-that was a big gift which came from those mighty mountains in Switzerland into me and many others. I came to see back then, that both the church and the art world were contextualized in a larger spiritual context, which I had alway intimated was there!

That I am an artist and a christian are not contradictory, but work in tandem, one contextualizing the other. And that I didn’t have to make “Christian” art, but if I was centered in Christ, could just make art, and that central life giving relationship, would be implied. That was a big release for me. I had mostly seen art used as propaganda for Christ, or as decoration, rather than overflow from authentic relationship and identity in Christ. Art as evangelism quickly turns into propaganda, and not great art as well.

There were many other things which were imparted there, but that was a big one. God is One so no area of Reality is outside of His Heart’s concern and desire to incarnate with and through us. That was a simple but profound integration in my younger life. I had been to art school and studied at seminary, and wanted to see how to two could come together in an authentic way. Turns out they already were in a larger Kingdom context.

I also learned french surrealist poetry there from my mentor, which was also cool, but that central integration probably has lasted longer!

More things i’m learning in counseling others…

My two new favorite questions in counseling: what is the central truth you think your life emphasizes? What does your life teach? (Try to be specific, not general) That’s probably the part of God you know and reflect, or have already incarnated. It’s also a key hole into true identity! Who we are comes before what we do: identity precedes calling, as they say!

“I knit you, therefore I called you to do…” to walk on that path prepared beforehand (Eph 2:10)

Then, how are you planting that teaching, the seed you truly are?
What’s your context or flower pot? Where’s the good soil for your particular seeds?

Been enjoying starting conversations with friends like that recently.
Another one I like: if it was just you and God on earth-no roles, no people to please or be defined by—who would you be? Essentializing identity interest me! Who are you outside all your seasonal roles in life!

I’ve enjoyed hearing people’s answers to these two questions recently!

I tilted my sails, somewhere between the art world and the church world, and what I found was The Holy Spirit beckoning me towards…a Higher Realm which contextualized them both!

I think our friendship with God is symbiotic, though He does most of the giving!
Still a friendship spirituality is what we are offered, so we must bless Him also, maybe most by just constantly recognizing how Loving and cool amazing He is, and how much, for some reason, He digs us also, especially when we are being ourselves! Seeing spirituality as friendship was one of His themes in the book.
I don’t know if God “needs” us (that’s a deep theological question), but He certainly likes and loves us! And wants to be friends! That much I know. We’ve been friends as long as i can recall.
Entering as friends is the way and tone of Love. I try to practice that tone in my friendships on earth as well. Why not! If we are all eternal friends in the end, start practicing it here!

In my other dream…about identity—
In the other dream, i was fully myself, had feathers in my hair, a great costume, and was running around talking to all sorts of people and nations in joy, and in lots of languages; and was giving my treasures without fear of other’s rejections or opinions.

It felt like King David dancing before the Ark! Love that freedom space!
I was completely myself before God, as if it were just us two on earth–that inner garden space of communion of beings. Ourselves, outside all our fleeting roles in life!

In the dream, I was not yet perfect or whole, and was older, maybe just before death, but comfortable being who I was where I was at in my growth journey before Him, and others.

I was not defined by others, nor afraid that they could take anything away from me, or even pressured by their needs. I was living before God in that one on One freedom. I was free to be me.

He took great pleasure in me just being myself. And it gave room for Him to walk on earth in pleasure. What a great dream! I hope i incarnate that one! Nice to think that being our real selves, makes God happy! After all, we are His poetry, why not let Him pronounce us as we are!

I love it when things are just being themselves! As Thomas Merton said, “A tree praises God by being a tree!”
Why not we!!!

More from dream:

Had two really cool dreams last night. In the first, I was in outer space looking at the earth, and I heard a Voice say God is One, then i panned all the way down to earth and saw all the cancerous divisions in things–people, nature, leaves everything.

Things were either increasing in chaos and decay and deterioration, and division or coming together into integrated identities. Everything was either rotting or coming into wholeness–distintegrating or integrating! Things in or receptive to His Presence were gathering into identity, things not in Him were dividing and disintegrating.

Then i panned back up and heard Him say, “And My attention is undivided.”

I immediately sensed that God’s entire heart was on this project of making things whole or themselves through His Son, and that Father was already leaning in, and considering standing up and coming more fully into His Creation again. Cosmic dreams are the best. Somehow it was comforting to think about the Oneness of God coming to earth! Especially when i saw how cancerous and divided things were becoming. It was like I was inside the Shema prayer in this dream. Thanks, I needed that one! Plus, I like the idea of God having “undivided attention”! Never thought of oneness like that! I learn so much from dreams!

Look above in Love more often, until everything is leaning towards the right Polar Star, as Heschel called it. Lean your entire life towards One Star, and make sure it’s the right star, then just lean it all in, every part of the soul’s life including the physical body. Just align it with that star—when we draw near, so does God.