More little airport meditations on the way…

Living in the full circle already!

We live already in a full circle, but only see part of it manifested on earth each season. Still, we are meant to live as if the whole circle were already present, for in some sense above it is. Each of us is surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, and a particular circle which is ours to sit in. Live like that already, and you will not struggle with belonging or context while here.

Blessing the earth itself.

The animals and earth responded to the cross. They were in Peace. The earth was effected physically by the new Adam sacrificing His life for the shalom or wholeness of the whole. I would love to do a painting of that instant in history, but to focus on the earth and animal kingdom at the moment of the Cross. Few people think of evangelizing the earth itself, but isn’t this the gift of the 2nd Adam, and the renewed Eve-her womb would bear the Life which overcomes death? He reverses the curse on our relationship with the earth, and allows us to bless it into place again, to call forth life and fruitfulness. We do so, in Him, with people—speaking words of life and calling forth real life in them. Why not also the earth?

Baptizing things into the whole of The Trinity:

The grand commission Jesus offered, was to baptize things into the identities of The Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It was a holistic calling. To baptize the whole person, place or thing into the being of God through The Son, and His Spirit. It was never just about religious information, it was to baptize them into The full Names of God. To be agents of fuller Lordship of His Being over all of creation. To be portals of His Kingdom onto the earth, and to bring all three Names to peoples. So then, we ourselves must know all three Names, and carry them in our own beings. Different parts of the church tend to emphasize one or another of The Names. But we are meant to carry and be with and in, all three. This is part of discipling the nations. Seasonally, we tend to be getting to know one or another of the Names. The Father is often not the thing we know and carry to others. But Jesus Himself pointed His entire life towards the Father, just as the Holy Spirit points entirely to Jesus.

And they said to Moses, You speak to us and we will listen, but let not God speak to us, lest we die.

And Moses said to the people, Fear not; for God has come to prove you, so that the [reverential] fear of Him may be before you, that you may not sin.

 And the people stood afar off, but Moses drew near to the thick darkness where God was. (Exodus 20:18-21)

This little passage in the grand narrative re-captured me yesterday in travel. So many great midrashic streams oozing from it. Why are the people afraid to approach? Why is God “in the thick darkness”? Also such a great sensory description of what its “like” when God shows up-smoke thunder lightning and trumpet sounds! Yes! Powerful little passage from the Torah.

If we see ourselves as the people in the story: 1)We are afraid to encounter God; 2)God is in the hiddenness of darkness; 3)His Realm is like smoke thunder and lightning. If we see ourselves as Moses or the prophet (sign of The Prophet to come, the way between realms), we are allowed into the thick darkness to communicate directly with God in language. If we see ourselves as the earth in the story (which most people don’t consider a character, but which is), we are physically effected by how humans relate to their God. I love all the little doorways, windows and vistas one little passage offers when you chew on it long enough! Anyway, fun airport meditation! Things to “do” while waiting…

Each evening in Antwerp, the little and big bells ring together

in a layered sonic collage of signals, or waves of awakening

just beyond sunset across the city;

each bell, simultaneously, tells its own particular story

-the sharp birdlike chirp of the younger one

(toned to awake like a trumpet still polished!)

wakes me up to prepare for night each evening,

and then the mid-toned baritone one comes in

saying, again, hello; this, just before the bellowing cathedric one

rollicks in something which will never pass (something like the word assurance).

A loving Tone I know

which vibrates even being.

Each, alerts us in specific ways

to something we can’t quite recall

but which, nevertheless, seems still

pressing or resonate, somehow already installed, on some level.

In fact, each evening here

i get snapped out of spiritual amnesia-

or whatever form of forgetfulness i’m under-

by bells alone!

two I wrote in Antwerp a few evenings ago…

this particular evening…

the bats are diving

as well as the gulls

looking for something which still glows,

or at least flecks, of glimmer; a tennis ball perhaps, tossed up by a child.

me too, i think today, just

searching for what truly is shimmering

in evening… in this garden courtyard in Antwerp

with the fig tree and church bells still in place

after all these days.

//

As you get older…

one friendship passes into another like a blur or

hopeful collage;

but here, we smother from lack of warmth at night-

a montage, of all of us, missing a blanket. And yet,

we feel another clearer circle around us when we dream

and somehow know, we will be returned to our own kind one day;

we will all make it home, in the end,

as we say yes over and over again!

Today

A woman walks by veiled in religious

garb.

But with white beat headphones on

over her head covering. Happy in

herself. Us, listening to music together

in our hearts.

We smile towards one another,

exchanging

Another peace.

Sometimes certain lenses are helping to interpret one’s own times through, both locally and globally. I think our times can best be seen through the lens of Jeremiah’s time. There are different stories which leap out of scriptures as lenses of interpretation for particular moments in history. Jeremiah’s is one for now!

We are living in days very similar to the prophet Jeremiah’s. Just as in his times, we see weak leadership and false alliances happening out of confusion and not hearing God’s clear Voice. Some of us like Jeremiah, but not as cool, are being asked to bear witness to it (each in our own ways and domains), to fellowship with His Suffering, and to buy new land in Anathoth-to symbolize what is to come, even while what was is falling apart. Even as the city burns and new leadership is installed. To build while everything is falling apart. To invest in her future—that’s what Jeremiah did. He never got to see the full rebuilding of Jerusalem, instead dying in Egypt, but it did, and will again, eventually happen. We will know His unity again some day fully.

Every part of Jeremiah’s story was symbolic, as his life became a teaching about God’s ongoing orientation to people, even in times of great judgement. We are in similar days. And certain people are asked to symbolize it.

We hope to one day get to a Nehemiah time of rebuilding and unity in construction. But now we are in a sign of hope time while the world is in tumult, while leadership is frail and false alliances are causing suffering. And while even the church is not yet unified or yet working together smoothly to be salt and light. This story of Jeremiah is a guidepost for our times.

We ourselves are re-building our house here in Austin, as a sign of hope for the future. Rather than just abandon this city and nation, to build a sign of hope for its true identity to be recovered and redeemed one day. The entire story of Jeremiah’s times are being acted out globally. We see not just shaking and restructuring of leadership, but panic and fear as the last king Jeremiah served. Jeremiah’s role was to stay true to God and voice what God was saying. He warned, he consoled, he did symbolic action like buy land when the city was going down, and his people taken away. God has not abandoned the planet. Never does. He asks Jeremiah to buy land in the midst. He bought priestly land—i.e. hope for a restoration of the priestly way—which happened later when the people returned.

The priestly comes first—the ark crosses the river first, then the larger masses of people can cross. Symbol precedes fuller incarnation. It’s a pattern throughout history. The artists move into a neighborhood, it gets seen, and many others move in etc.. Prayer and a recovery of the word precedes revival, in both christian and Jewish history. The restoration of the Jewish priesthood brings interpretation and reading of the word, and as the levites helped the people to understand the words-to interpret them, so the restoration of His Priesthood allows us to hear and interpret His Voice in each age.

Still, an odd time for Jeremiah to buy land, but not if someone is called to symbolize God’s orientation towards a place or a city. He interpreted the times for the kings or leaders (discernment), the comforted those who needed it, and he carried God’s heart for the whole (fellowship with God’s suffering). To instruct, warn and encourage have always been the way of the prophetic. Jeremiah lived that out for his long 40 year career, at a time of international upheaval.

Here in Austin this past year, my wife and I have been allowed to re-build a house symbolically, starting from foundations up, the entire house remodel-each part, each person, each piece of wood- has been a teaching for us of how God is orienting towards our city, and how to build not just smartly but wisely-honoring what came before, but adding to it a new level of solidity and creative craftmanship. And planting hope for the future!

Each person who has worked with us has been hand picked and relational—that’s very true Austin. Honoring her core identity, while taking her forwards. We were asked to not abandon this city (or America in her hour of great confusion, which she is in) in her time of rapid maturation, but to stay with and help birth new chapters. This was what Jeremiah did. Even when given the opportunity to go to babylon and have nice stuff, he stayed with the remnant. That’s an example of how to live in these times, how to embody the Body as one dear friend put it to me recently.

In our own story, we have been given the resources and spaciousness to do so, coming from the faithful among the previous generation. We have done so with little help on the ground, but lots of angelic aid! But we are acting out something in the future, co-creating a “sign” for our city. We have also learned how God wants to grow our particular city through this process. Authentic relationships with creative builders etc. Her true identity has shone through this process. We have also honored what she was, and mid-wifed what she is becoming in a way which honors her growth, and outside of the pressures for unwise growth—materialism, most often, as all of America struggles with.

The role of the prophetic is to symbolize God’s orientation towards the whole. We are moving in Jeremiah’s way, as are many others in our times. To symbolize what God is saying is in this way of Jeremiah. Jesus got upset with the religious leaders of His day, for not being able to read the times. We are not those who cannot read. To us He does not come as a thief in the night; we,, like the wise men who found Him at His birth are to follow His Star, and be excited when it guides us to Him. Jeremiah knew His times and God’s orientation towards them.

As Jesus told His friends, but for you, it’s given to actually understand the parables of the times! We are meant to be able to read and interpret our times. Jeremiah’s times are a great lens through which to do so.

Sometimes certain lenses are helping to interpret one’s own times through, both locally and globally. I think our times can best be seen through the lens of Jeremiah’s time. There are different stories which leap out of scriptures as lenses of interpretation for particular moments in history. Jeremiah’s is one for now!

We are living in days very similar to the prophet Jeremiah’s. Just as in his times, we see weak leadership and false alliances happening out of confusion and not hearing God’s clear Voice. Some of us like Jeremiah, but not as cool, are being asked to bear witness to it (each in our own ways and domains), to fellowship with His Suffering, and to buy new land in Anathoth-to symbolize what is to come, even while what was is falling apart. Even as the city burns and new leadership is installed. To build while everything is falling apart. To invest in her future—that’s what Jeremiah did. He never got to see the full rebuilding of Jerusalem, instead dying in Egypt, but it did eventually happen.

Every part of Jeremiah’s story was symbolic, as his life became a teaching about God’s ongoing orientation to people, even in times of great judgement. We are in similar days. And certain people are asked to symbolize it.

We hope to one day get to a Nehemiah time of rebuilding and unity in construction. But now we are in a sign of hope time while the world is in tumult, while leadership is frail and false alliances are causing suffering. And while even the church is not yet unified or yet working together smoothly to be salt and light. This story of Jeremiah is a guidepost for our times.

We ourselves are re-building our house here in Austin, as a sign of hope for the future. Rather than just abandon this city and nation, to build a sign of hope for its true identity to be recovered and redeemed one day. The entire story of Jeremiah’s times are being acted out globally. We see not just shaking and restructuring of leadership, but panic and fear as the last king Jeremiah served. Jeremiah’s role was to stay true to God and voice what God was saying. He warned, he consoled, he did symbolic action like buy land when the city was going down, and his people taken away. God has not abandoned the planet. Never does. He asks Jeremiah to buy land in the midst. He bought priestly land—i.e. hope for a restoration of the priestly way—which happened later when the people returned.

The priestly comes first—the ark crosses the river first, then the larger masses of people can cross. Symbol precedes fuller incarnation. It’s a pattern throughout history. The artists move into a neighborhood, it gets seen, and many others move in etc.. Prayer and a recovery of the word precedes revival, in both christian and Jewish history. The restoration of the Jewish priesthood brings interpretation and reading of the word, and as the levites helped the people to understand the words-to interpret them, so the restoration of His Priesthood allows us to hear and interpret His Voice in each age.

Still, an odd time for Jeremiah to buy land, but not if someone is called to symbolize God’s orientation towards a place or a city. He interpreted the times for the kings or leaders (discernment), the comforted those who needed it, and he carried God’s heart for the whole (fellowship with God’s suffering). To instruct, warn and encourage have always been the way of the prophetic. Jeremiah lived that out for his long 40 year career, at a time of international upheaval.

Here in Austin this past year, my wife and I have been allowed to re-build a house symbolically, starting from foundations up, the entire house remodel-each part, each person, each piece of wood- has been a teaching for us of how God is orienting towards our city, and how to build not just smartly but wisely-honoring what came before, but adding to it a new level of solidity and creative craftmanship. And planting hope for the future!

Each person who has worked with us has been hand picked and relational—that’s very true Austin. Honoring her core identity, while taking her forwards. We were asked to not abandon this city (or America in her hour of great confusion, which she is in) in her time of rapid maturation, but to stay with and help birth new chapters. This was what Jeremiah did. Even when given the opportunity to go to babylon and have nice stuff, he stayed with the remnant. That’s an example of how to live in these times, how to embody the Body as one dear friend put it to me recently.

In our own story, we have been given the resources and spaciousness to do so, coming from the faithful among the previous generation. We have done so with little help on the ground, but lots of angelic aid! But we are acting out something in the future, co-creating a “sign” for our city. We have also learned how God wants to grow our particular city through this process. Authentic relationships with creative builders etc. Her true identity has shone through this process. We have also honored what she was, and mid-wifed what she is becoming in a way which honors her growth, and outside of the pressures for unwise growth—materialism, most often, as all of America struggles with.

The role of the prophetic is to symbolize God’s orientation towards the whole. We are moving in Jeremiah’s way, as are many others in our times. To symbolize what God is saying is in this way of Jeremiah. Jesus got upset with the religious leaders of His day, for not being able to read the times. We are not those who cannot read. To us He does not come as a thief in the night; we,, like the wise men who found Him at His birth are to follow His Star, and be excited when it guides us to Him. Jeremiah knew His times and God’s orientation towards them.

As Jesus told His friends, but for you, it’s given to actually understand the parables of the times! We are meant to be able to read and interpret our times. Jeremiah’s times are a great lens through which to do so.

My own life is about art, authenticity and spirituality! So, i like it when people combine, or have integrated these areas-like Thomas Merton, Oswald Chambers, Henri Nouwen, CS Lewis (at times), Van Gogh (who was a pastor before painting), St Francis, Teresa of Avila etc—people who were authentic artist and spiritual teachers-a hard tight rope to walk without seeming, or worse being, pretentious, or making a mockery of the symbol of yourself.

Their lives say, that we can truly be ourselves, and we can integrate our creativity with our spirituality, so that our expressions flow from who we really are, and give other people the permission to do the same. And at best, their lives became symbols of how to live well. To live a “valid” life, as Francis Shaeffer might call it, matters. We like the word integration better, but validity is still a useful term in art and life. Is the thing true to itself, self revelational in that sense.

My version of authentic creative spirituality is based on Psalm 139 and Jeremiah’s calling. Both are celebrations of identity and how our callings are meant to match who we are; what we do, flows from who—i.e. flows from and is not separated from who we are-identity precedes and is the source of calling.

Or, as it says in Ephesians 2:10-we are poems, so the pronunciation or pathways of our lives (calling, or stuff we do) are both eternal things held in Christ, according to this verse.

Both I am, and I do are meant to be true to themselves. I like it when the body of an artist work reflects the whole trajectory of their identity story of becoming, even if it never fully arrives at itself.”If we are authentically becoming, we are reflecting something bigger than us, which desires us to be.” as one of my mentors put it.

Anyways, I like this guy, he’s been at it a long time.

Once I went to where he recorded his most spiritual album in Scotland—FIndhorn, a unique community of artists—eco spiritual before it was trendy!

And, Mike is still on his journey, still a freak, still awake, like every other human he’s unique, as he sings. Poems still being pronounced, we are. Anyways, someone gave his latest album on vinyl, just grooving on it tonight.

My own life is about art, authenticity and spirituality! So, i like it when people combine these-like Thomas Merton, Oswald Chambers, Henri Nouwenn, CS Lewis—people who were authentic artist and spiritual teachers. It says that we can truly be ourselves, and we can integrate our creativity with our spirituality, so that our expressions flow from who we really are. It’s based on Psalm 139 and Jeremiah’s calling. Both are celebrations of identity and how our calling are meant to match who we are—i.e. to be authentic. Both I am, and I do are meant to be true to themselves, authentic. I like it when the body of an artist work reflects the whole trajectory of their identity, even if it never fully arrives at itself.

Jeremiah had a ministry of authenticity! I relate to that. To be your true self does indeed bless others for it gives us permission to be, and have unique relationships with Our Source.

Today…

Considering, the role of the prophet when a nation is being judged; to warn, to call people back to their true selves (the ministry of authenticity!), to see what is happening and tell folks who and what one should ally with (true revealed discernment) etc. Jeremiah was allowed to stay free when the enemy came and took over. He had a unique position. Consider his role and times.

His nation was being overthrown because it would not repent, return and lean on its God for life and protection. It’s leaders were making false alliances. And then, even at the end, would not listen to The Voice. The city could’ve been spared. The women, not raped.

Then they get carried away in waves, given the choice,. Jeremiah stays with the poor remnant and ends up wandering down to Egypt but still leaving the symbol of having bought land, as a hopeful symbol for the whole nation that after many years the nation would be restored, and specifically, the priesthood (as Anathoth, his hometown, was a city of priest-this action symbolized a restoration of Jewish priesthood itself eventually; all the Jewish revivals started with a restoration of priestly activity (a recovery of reading and understanding the word, levitical stuff, the priestly precedes the procession or incarnation; symbol comes first, the artist move into a neighborhood first, then everyone sees it and moves there etc; in short artist are prophetic and move in a priestly role—Nehemiah’s time is an example), just as all Christian revivals start with the priestly activity of prayer! Nothing’s changed).

In Jeremiah’s day, there were people who recognized God’s true voice on both sides (that is people who were actually intimate with God, not just religion). And those who did not. Jeremiah was recognized by the enemy’s guard as knowing God’s voice. And even in Babylon people recognized God’s Voice in Jeremiah’s words, and Daniel, having read Jeremiah’s words, was able to work things out from within the system. All sorts of people listened to Jeremiah’s words-unexpected people. Still true.

Daniel and Jeremiah were in an interesting tandem. Daniel, who is not considered a prophet, but clearly moved prophetically, stayed true to God from within the government-different position, same type of spirituality. Jeremiah from outside it. Both were under a higher law, living in a time when things were being overturned which weren’t honoring God, and Jeremiah represent all He sees both in his life and art. And stays true to God. Good role model for these days.

These stories are lenses, filters through which to see-even our current situation.

Jeremiah is a great model with 40 years of service in tough times-he symbolized the way of the prophets in tumultuous times; and this, most autobiographical of the prophets, man’s life itself was a teaching or way. Intense figure, Jeremiah. My favorite of the Hebrew prophets! A bleeding heart, who actually quits his job at one point, then decides to return. Honest.

Even if you don’t read the bible, you gotta dig Jeremiah! Even just as a way. Plus there are lots of cool paintings of him, which makes sense.The ultimate misunderstood artist, who stays valid! Paul might be a close second in the New Testament. No one understood him on any side. Regardless, the bible has categories and ways of seeing Reality embedded in the lives of people and their stories. The lens of Jeremiah’s life and way is very useful in our days! I’m enjoying considering it today!

Notes from this week:

//

Why wood? the construction worker asked me….

“Wood is just a world

of memory and knowing.

It holds us, somehow in place

until we ourselves, remember, who we are.

The Cross was made of wood.

The ultimate juxtaposition. It’s a material meant to hold stories,

without splintering, recalling endlessly,

the ultimate story occurring forever.

Skin and bones of the right one, on wood

the memory of that wood still echoing in my bones…

tells us who we are.” Sorry if that was too deep an answer.

But we, definitely, need to work with wood.

Perhaps, i over explained

or responded on the wrong level

Still, wood matters. Let’s go with that.

 we clearly, need wood on that particular

counter top.

//

I’m not sure the difference between light and glory.

We are told to walk in the light, but to move

from glory to glory…

Perhaps glory is her contour.

In the meantime, which is where we all live,

this grilled corn

tonight in yellow texas evening light,

looks nearly perfect.

//

you gotta do what you are

then you’ll mean it.

//

across the street a young woman tends the elderly.

today they are watching rain fall

and being thankful in small ways

she often wears blue dresses

but unlike a nurse, for pleasure.

today, she leans over the railing with one elderly man

looking at a freshly wet blue bird

strutting around for seeds or something

the bird is startled to be seen, but then returns to his happy hunting

into the moist earth. today, i notice she is pregnant,

while caring.

//

write your own name on your loves

as they say

define things with your love

tell them, they are, they exist, they matter

the pen we write with is Love, the ink, His Blood. That’s how we contour things

into Being.

if you can’t tell something it is loved,

you can’t be yourself, yet.

//

europe is lonely.

in a dream, i come to her to listen. to be with,

her thoughts seem so deep and distant, as if

she feels irrelevant to herself.

i ask her what she thinks about at night-

“all that has come before

how did i get to this place

given so much foresight?”

we talk for many hours

i slip my hand into hers

as the sun, finally rises.

//

don’t pare down your life.

the old man said, then he went on…

i gave my wife a bucket once for her birthday

told her to fill it with things she wanted;

she chose chocolates.

i was happily surprised as she could’ve

filled it with car keys or diamonds

or anything else which made her smile;

we ate dinner, then made coffee,

and eventually made love, and then

 had chocolate for dessert.

////HE

 He went around shining, in a

simple, understandable, form.

People could mingle in His Light at will.

He was trying to make Love

conducive. To make a condensible tangible expression and compression

of “love

one another.”

Or, of Love itself.

He, a more exacting symbol.

/…

what we said here to one another, were pools of light,

to dive into, to become in, whenever.

the mediums hardly mattered…

just, wherever language made us

most likely to jump in! we gazed our way there,

then, we gave this to one another, for many seasons

until we all became ourselves,

eventually.

the morning was the sound of cigarettes and thought.

bereft of interruptions, finally.

The gentleness of light:

thinking about how to help others grieve well…(sorry, deep times require deep entries-part of the weight of glory these days! Promise my next will be lighter! And since, the last one was so short..)

Talked with a girl today, who told me that her mom killed herself last year, and she simply doesn’t know how to grieve. This friend is not on fb, so I’m not overexposing her journey. Just noticing ways to help us walk through grief so we don’t become depressive, lost beneath the weight of death.

She is an artist, so I asked her how she visualized her un-grieved space. She had a particular image which came to her. Then I asked her if she could grieve it a little bit at a time. Make art about one aspect of her pain each week, so it was less having to behold it all at once. Then maybe do a retrospect for herself at the end of each month, to see where she’d come. Slowly crumbling each aspect of the walls of fear, into grief.

I told her how I painted my black pool of grief and then cried each night, for about eight months, and prayed that light would come in, when I was dealing with depression many years ago. And how I needed a few friends who were aware of what I was going through, and who could take me to the movies when i needed it. And reminded me the grieving would end eventually. And I could be funny again.

She said she was afraid of the amount of grief and overwhelmed at trying to enter there, and yet realized if she didn’t she was going to be paralyzed internally. I told her, that if she can get a healthy external life, eat food, have a few good friends, and then….grieve a little of the black building at a time; some parts are letting yourself feel the fun parts of your lost ones life, and being thankful as well, and then parts which are angry at them for quit-ing. Suicide also brings shame and secrecy, so it is good to share feelings with others. I think this precious girl had only shared it with me and one other person.

Just made me thankful for my Counselor and my counselor, who walked me through breaking up the weight on the surface of that black pond in me, back in the day when i was under depression, so I could be the person of joy I was meant to be. We have to grieve the losses. Denial doesn’t work—stoicism doesn’t work. Our pain has to become a meeting place, it has to become our new spirituality for a season. And each of us have to, in unique ways. For me it was through art, active prayer, and counseling and friends who stood with me through the boring parts.

I started studying counseling, art therapy and healing for this reason. I don’t want some daughter in any cafe to live under the weight of depression unnecessarily, or to die before her time, or not to be born anew into her next season! And there really are ways in which our grief does not have to calcify into depression. If we expose it to the light with wisdom, and an understanding of how to walk it out with others, and as my mentor said, “fully let God in, sometimes slowly.” The incapacitating weight can and does lift if we grieve the pain.

Anger is a door into the room of un-grieved pain. Many of us stay only at the door, without entering the actual room of our pain, which is usually where Jesus is sitting—the Man of Sorrows acquainted with all our grief. Again, suffering becomes a potential place of meeting God (both individually and collectively), and our deeper selves, if we let it.

Grieving tools help. Anyways, I was privileged that she shared that with me today. Made me once again aware of how kind God has been to me over the years, and many others. And that Hope never dies for any of us as we let the Light in, gently!

I’m very interested in healing artist, as I had a great painter friend who killed himself when i was a kid. So i made a ministry called Noah’s Other Boat, which was really about an ark for discarded people rather than animals. I’ve always carried that boat in my heart. My friend’s name who died was Noah. There’s always a Boat, even for us weirdos!