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Do you want to be made whole?

16 Monday May 2016

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The story of the crippled man by the pool of Bethesda, contains a pattern of not just initial healing, but what is required to walk it out. At the start of the story, Jesus evokes him, by asking him if he really wants to be whole. Not just physically healed, but to see himself in an entirely new way, a new light. To re-align His feeling about himself with Jesus’ feelings about him.
To re-align ourselves with how the Kingdom sees us, who we really are in His Kingdom is Christ-centered spirituality. Are we willing not just to stand up, but to learn to walk out our new life, no longer seeing ourselves as wounded victims of our situation, but seeing and feeling about ourselves as God does.
This is to address the spring of feelings and our interpretation of our lives. This is more than initial salvation, this is walking in His process of depth sanctification. This little story presents a pattern of how Jesus heals us, or makes us whole. It starts with a question, and our saying yes. Then what is required of us, is an entire recalibration of being. We no longer see ourselves as rippled, wounded losers by the pool, ones who cannot reproduce, ones who are stranded without social impact.
And what happens when the man stands up, is he must now find an entirely different network of support as well. His social life changes. How others have treated him is no longer appropriate. He has been changed by a Jesus encounter, and must make a new life.
Jesus tells His disciples, leave what you are doing, and follow me. That is the starting point. Then they learn to walk with Him. There entire life path and mission changed. They had new people to hang out with and grow with, they went to physically new places. Many were fishermen, and probably did not travel so much. Now they would travel all over, and even go out to other nations. Their journeys changed. They ended up in spaces they would not have, had they not met The Man Jesus.
The man by the pool or the woman by the well, both afterwards, had to make up a new life. They were no longer seekers, but those who had found the source of all Healing. Now, their lives were radically altered. They could no longer sit in the same places they did before, or be perceived by others in the same way. They had changed. Now, their whole lives aim would be to be like the One who had changed them.
Our feelings and thoughts start to center around His, and are altered by this communion. We feel and think differently about ourselves and others. We see things more from a Kingdom perspective, because we have encountered, been saved, and are now being radically transformed by walking with and in Him. Our union with Him, not just heals us, it transforms us. We no longer lean into our own understanding and interpretation, even of ourselves; rather in every situation we lean into His interpretation and understanding, and we learn to trust that He will then direct our ways. And even when we cannot see or interpret fully, we trust that He can, and will reveal to us, what we need to know.
These characters offer hope for true lasting transformation. Of moving from salvation into a life of sanctification in Christ. Where His Life is more fully formed in us. Do we want to be whole? Jesus asks each of us!

12 Thursday May 2016

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In the spirit of Jeremiah, having to repeatedly re-write his prophecies…
I want to do a really short version of a teaching which took me three years to download. The order of cities conquered in the book of Joshua are a prophetic map for how God wants to come into and cultivate us, is also the order and nature of our own personal sanctification process.
First city, Jericho was guarded by the enemy of prostitution. The second city, the enemy was our own soul plans versus God’s perfect plan (basically, idolatry that is lifting out soul and it’s ideas above His Spirit (sin of the enlightenment); in the third, Ai, we have friendly fire. Confusion coming in from those close to us.

Whose voice do we trust? Our Shepherd or those around us–to what degree do we need to approval of man to proceed in spiritual growth? In each, we get God’s strategy of inhabiting the spiritual lands we are meant to be and ultimately cultivating; and we have the order of enemy plans against each claiming and cultivating those specific lands. The book of Joshua is a map for our times in so many ways–both internally and externally.

Crossing the Jordan of death to self, we enter the place of partnership with occupying and cultivating, unifying and harvesting, the lands meant to be our inheritance in Christ. It is a guidebook to unity, within and without. And there are battles throughout, for each new territory in ourselves and our world.
It starts with the priest artist doing the symbol actions which tell the whole story, and proceeds with the labor of love for each new aspect of the land.
What we have is a map of how God actually does sanctification. And we have a map of how He is still doing it in our times. There is a order to cities, and an order of how to overcome the enemies guarding each city.
In the art world, for instance there is the enemies of prostitution, witchcraft and sorcery. This is consistent across time. One of these comes against artist and tries to destroy or in inhibit or annihilate them. The ways of these three enemies are clearly spelled out in scripture. And we are asked to move in His Ways against them.

Proper Alignment

12 Thursday May 2016

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Life is about positioning-what are we pointed towards. Self or God?
If every action in your life is poised towards God, your life will bear good fruit. We practice letting more of our activities daily be “unto Him,” or aimed towards God. We wash dishes unto God, we cook and clean unto God, we make art unto God, we drink coffee and have conversations unto God, we do fb entries unto God. Our action does not have to be overtly about God, but rather unto, before or in His Presence. Then, every activity is potentially holy. If conversely, we point our actions towards self, our lives become progressively less holy, and more dis-integrated. When we aim towards God, ironically, we discover our true selves. “He whispers our names into the inner chambers of our hearts.” Jesus was constantly aimed towards Father God. Alignment is everything in the spiritual life.

12 Thursday May 2016

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Diary entry about what I learn from my dogs:
I have two types of dogs-
one with very specifically focused affections;
the other, who gives them everywhere;
both ways, seem useful
depending on the day
or the situation.
Jakob doesn’t care, he’s like King David dancing half naked before the ark,
as long as he’s not in trouble.
the rest of his life is sheer
love of everything at once-every scent and motion, a
potential path to explore. ( i relate to that)
a gusto for the universe
without discrimination,
a ubiquitous scattered passion for all.
So, a love willing to be worn thin again and again,
yet, trusting it will return.
The priest, Henri Nouwenn spoke of
putting boundaries on our loves, so they
become more potently focused, more accurately planted. More, potentially fruitful.
As you put edges on a garden, you notice the whole process,
of fruitfulness, more astutely, you
make it yours to know through,
 learn from, and be changed by, formed.
I’m not sure Jakob has downloaded that teaching yet.
Nor have I fully.
Pearl, my other dog, is often pointedly concerned,
she carries the weight of caring, the burden of being,
having come out of Hurricane Katrina-
a pearl of great cost forged in suffering.
Often, I want to make her life simpler, lighter
for her, for her own sake.
Just so she never wastes her suffering.
I learn so much of God from both of my dog’s ways!
“The whole universe can be learned from causing the creatures to praise!”
as one saint put it.

un-edited notes

10 Tuesday May 2016

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Raw diary notes unedited…
I’m being equipped in how to disciple, by first practicing it in myself. One aspect is to know how and when to retreat from people to the deserted places (Luke 5). When you are, as i am, prophetic pastoral, you want to help others, but you also see lots of what they really need. The nuances, the layers, and you have to often draw near to God to process all you see together with Him, partly so you can see how He is really helping them. And partly just to get in re-awe of just how kind and thorough He is towards each of us! His thousand daily thoughts towards each of us daily! They are real, nuanced, specific …
Drawing near often throughout the day is one praxis for those in ministry, or those who have both a pastoral and prophetic heart–those who care deeply, but also see far. Learning how to be both a sensitive shepherd and a far viewing prophet is to integrate two parts of His Life which He alone has integrated. We see and know, and we also care and want to minister His Life into each situation. It’s a journey how these dance together. He is integrating the two in my own spirituality currently. And it requires some practices.
Often clinging to Christ, when there are many pulls outwards to others. Probably why I’m studying spiritual disciplines and contemplation. How do I draw near? Study, travel, seeing in Him etc. Practicing this throughout the days. Jesus was in His public ministry when He retreated often to be with His Father. Even awareness of animal’s needs is hard when you are drained. How ministers stay close to God while giving so much to others is a key. That full silent active listening hour with God becomes essential.
King David often returned throughout the day, even while ruling an entire nation. It’s possible to be a king and still stay intimate with God. For one, you need time to process it all with God. Come let us reason…Silence into active listening to God; Merton’s going to abandoned huge churches often…etc.  It means you won’t be available to others at times, and that’s hard for ministers! Still, it is more important that you be close and filled with God, even if your motivation is to help others. I’m never not aware of people. I can will not to engage, but I’m always aware of them. At times, i need to be close to those who do not pull. That’s ok. Permission granted. To cling to Christ often regardless other’s needs is a hard discipline for a ministry oriented person. The poor will be with you always…but Jesus only did what He saw the father doing.
IT’s ok to just write and converse with other peers this season for a bit! You need that mutuality right now. Still, i will always minister. I trust that He will bring the right younger ones around at His Time. I”m sort of in a secret place part of my spiritual growth. He hasn’t really shared me yet; He is still forming this next season of Himself in me. That’s ok. Giving me insights into elder’s issues, and other leaders, and lots of deeper revelation of His Nature through scriptures. Really expanding my theology of being. And teaching me to abide in Him more constantly. Been a rich season. Less ministry, more just prayer and study. I’ve come to enjoy the monastic quality of it, even as a spiritual extrovert!
I can feel much more His Fatherhood gathering in my heart; and others are drawn just to sit near Him in me. Nice.
Ok, to just chat with the fathers on line. So many needs expressed there, it’s ok also to pull away from public media in order to stay and abide and reside in Him, at times….
I think i’m giving myself permission to be more in a formation season than a ministering outward one. It’s not easy when you still perceive needs around you constantly. But we are meant to be led by His Spirit not the needs of others. It’s a discipline for me. To see what others need, but to be mainly watching and led by Him, even if it doesn’t feel fruitful. Yet, I know His deeper formation in me is always fruitful. He knows I will want to run around blessings others soon enough. But for now He is jealous just for me. How remarkable His Love is.

just a dream

05 Thursday May 2016

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Had a dream where I was being raised softly but deftly, and swiftly through layers of grasses upwards towards the sky. Felt absolute trust, as both grass and sky were so comforting. The grass felt safe; the sky, like adventure. Made me less afraid of death and to see it more as a transition. Of course, I was praying for a funeral yesterday, so that may explain it. Still, how pleasant to consider our journeys continuing softly from grass to sky. I think I’ll paint this dream and see what I can glean from it. I love dreams!

Being a blessing, despite us

03 Tuesday May 2016

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Last night, in an early cool Austin evening, a girl sat down across from me at a local cafe, and said, “I just want to be silent near you, is that ok. I won’t take anything, but you walk in Peace, and I need to be near that right now.” Wow—that was a nice compliment.
Often i feel tumultuous, as my personality is so sensitive to my surroundings, and often dynamically volatile or reactive, but I’m glad that Peace is coming off me, despite myself. That the place in which I’m really sitting or seated internally, is emanating regardless of how i feel in the moment!
Another guy, I often see around town, who has had a tough life, today said,
“I always appreciate saying hi to you.” I’ve had so many moments like this this week, again despite being very busy and not feeling like I’m doing a great job, as I’ve been moving outside my “gift set” lots this week-spiritually stretching, as they say.
“Being reminded of how limited we each are, and yet, how boundlessly we can bless, when living in His Spirit!” as one early monk put it.
 People need to ground and feel safe to be themselves, and I hope that I am an honest authentic, creative, and safe place of Peace for others-a tree others can rest near, even if just for a moment. More and more, that’s what makes me happy.
Also been given several things for free this week, and I felt like they were offering it to something beyond me.
I like reminders like this. Just to be a place of Peace is often the biggest gift we can be, especially in our tumultuous times. Thankful to still be here this week, and that my presence might be a blessing in spite of myself.

Planning for our futures…

02 Monday May 2016

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Future plans:
Principle in urban planning of continuity with variety is also true with spirituality and spiritual direction. You need to rest on what you know (or have already embodied in your life of His Life) as you expand into what you don’t know of Him. This principle of dynamic growth is true across the fields of knowledge, and we need both in spiritual growth as well. Know our foundations, even as we build new wings with and in Him. When a city develops with a lack of continuity with its past, you feel the dis-integration. When there is an honoring of the past while taking things into the next level of expression, you keep oriented as you expand. God is the same, yesterday, today, and forever into your own future. He is present in all three spaces simultaneously. It’s possible therefore to pray from your future self to bless your current situation. How would you pray from your older self into your current self? Sitting with Jesus in your future. Peter’s principle of spiritual continuum: already currently receiving the object of your faith, you live in inexpressible joy. (I Peter)

Jesus taught and imparted His Own Way!

28 Thursday Apr 2016

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Jesus as the teacher and the Way to enter the teaching:
“Jesus accessed or discerned people’s real questions, and invited them to encounter The answer, for and in themselves, and be transformed by it. That was not just what He taught (spiritual information), but how He taught. His Medium was part of His Message. He, of course, was both the medium and the message and the empowerment to actually transform. So He was in a unique position. He offered true identity, purpose and power to become it. Answering the most basic needs of being human: identity and empowerment to walk it out. Impressive. It’s one thing to get information about how to grow and find the solution to your problems. It is another to also be that solution. Master. The ultimate Guide was also the Way. His answers always led people into the Reality of their solutions.”

from an interview on art

28 Thursday Apr 2016

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What got you interested in the relationship between art and faith?
Well everything. My dad is a minister, my mom, an artist; so, in some sense, i feel i have always been trying to find a spiritual context for both the church and the art world.
I realized early on that the Kingdom of God, which Jesus spoke of was bigger than both the church and the art world, and somehow contextualized both.
In what sense?
Well, for the art world, it provides a sense of purpose for why create, and addresses that need for the work to have a larger significance, than just making stuff. The art world has it’s own upper stories or ultimate ground of being—usually in the west it is some form of success. But what Jesus was teaching was higher than success.  It was more transformational, on an individual and outwardly and society level. If we take on His Nature, we change all that is around us by His character and Life flowing outwards through our lives and art. We express our core identities in Him, through art-and it communicates through symbols His Life out to others. He was teaching us about what we actually are–I know you, therefore I called you to create. In this way, true art making is inescapable from finding identity.
And the way to do that?
Well, St Peter would be a clarion example. You have a spiritual revelation in such a way that you see the true nature of things, this happens first through seeing the True Identity of Jesus Himself. This is always the starting point to self understanding–seeing who Jesus is; then He is permitted to start whispering our names to us. When we focus on Him, we are given ourselves, because He knows us better than we do. He contextualizes us to ourselves.
Then I think, He starts revealing our eternal names to us over time, and through experiences. The white stone room above where all our names are written, starts to get activated as we look at who He really is. He is the Source of Identity. I think lots of people miss that in the church. He knows us. As David and the prophet Jeremiah saw!
Jesus, You,  knit me, therefore you are able to call, cause me to stand and reveal my particular path in you–that one prepared before hand, which is hidden and secure in His Own Heart. That is our ultimate context for every dimension of who we are, including our creative selves or imaginations. The whole self is meant to be baptized into that place in Him, and it does indeed become the “secret place of the Most High”. He takes us to His Own Garden. And there is great mystery and becoming in that journey.
So there is a relationship between art making and finding your true self?
I think they are inevitably intertwined! There is no way to truly be in the creative process, and not desire to know who you are. And the way to know who you are, is to seek out who God is. You may stop at lower versions of God—Nature, or some philosophy; but you will want some way of interpreting why you create.
Some people go with modern psychology or other philosophical systems as their method of interpreting. I’ve gone with Jesus, and His word. Of course, the Bible itself is more a work of art, than a book of philosophy. So even to encounter God through the book, requires a paradigm shift for most of us.
The Bible as art interest me?
Well, it is—one third is fine art, the rest is mostly stories and great cosmic tales.
The whole book begins by focusing on God’s creative process, of which we were the pentacle or crown of creation, as the book says it. If we are the best art of God (the crown of creation, His poetry -Ephesian 2:10), then we need to consider that we ourselves are also probably creative, and play a collaborative part in creation.
Of course there is the constant interruption of our beings by sin, but we still have this echo of the Voice in us. We still have to create, and can do so as collaboration with God. Art is basically another area to tabernacle with the Living God, and be transformed through, and then refract that transformation and Life Force outwards to the world, or society, if you are given such a grand platform.
For an artist, their spirituality is largely a collaboration with God. It is less about and more from this collaboration. At least, my favorite artists did this: Van Gogh, TS Elliot, George MacDonald etc….people who actually met God through their creative process. You feel that dialogue regardless of how far each artist was along in their spiritual growth. You sense God meeting them as they created. When this happens, you begin to know yourself.
Art and true identity, and even empowerment to live out who you really are, are all intertwined, and spill, or pour forth from our authentic and actual relationship with God!
The church has often just used art as propoganda, the art world as a product to prove success; but there is something much different going on in the Kingdom. Art, and art making is a part of collaborating with God, and getting to be part of stewarding and tending, and even naming and expressing Reality! It’s part of tending the garden!
I think traditionally the post-reformation church sort of contextualize art as evangelistic propaganda-illustrative art meant to convince people the gospel information. Or was just overtly against, any type of creative dialogue with Christ in a living active way. I think what is changing there as a gospel of the Kingdom is preached, is that art ends up being more about our deeper formation and discipleship, firstly of ourselves, then of the nations. The imagination starts to enter into our relationship with God, rather than be decorative. You have to ask, if the poverty of the imagination in much of the 20th C church, has had to do with not understanding creativity as a part of our relationship to and with God.
You can leap ahead to now, where people really need creative spiritual rituals in their lives to offer meaning. People are seeking backwards, but the symbolic dimension of our spirituality and relationship with God has always been available, it didn’t take Azusa and, later the charismatic and prophetic movements to reveal to us, that God was creative and wanted to shine through His people in creative ways.
He is One, His Own creativity is eternal, and includes the new creation He is creating in us, and the new heavens and earth. He doesn’t stop making up new metaphors of Himself! God expresses Himself. That’s there at the beginning of the book. Why would God create. In the beginning, God CREATED!
Now, many are returning to monasticism or earlier, more ritualistic forms of christianity, but this stream of creativity has always been there, because it is in Him. He wants us to be free in this area of the arts, and to meet Him there. Conversely, there are other problems in the art world.
What of the art world? Is it the idolization of the creative talents?
Certainly it is that. But also it is art as entertainment, as opposed to ladder to the stars (ad aspera Dios etc), or artist as teacher of how to see many dimensions and live well in that fuller view. Art is meant to lift us up into His Kingdom, so we can interpret what’s going on down here!
Instead, artist are pulled towards just mere representation of ideas of projects, usually, in the West, to sell products–so Mammon pulls and kills many artist. Still, most artist want to be what Francis Shaeffer would call, “valid”–ie to be true to their process and create a body of work which makes a whole statement. But the temptation to value ourselves based on our talents is immense. And worse, to give them to causes which are not His. We have to often return to our first Love, and be meet God in our art making.
If our talents are not really on the altar as they say, we won’t make it. We have to have gotten our validation directly from The Father first, way before the world or the audience. Otherwise, we will need to get the fat lady to clap forever. Funny thing is, the fat Lady is Christ, and she has been applauding all along! We are approved and He is amazed by us, because He made and knows us. As long as we chase after the praise of men, our art will be violated and misled. Our best art is foolishness compared to His. He created the earth, then made us our of Nature, and breathed His breath, and then gave us permission to tend His Own creation. We are collaborators at best.
Art as product–talk about that?
In the art world, art is seen more as product, and part of the artist celebrity complex–where you try to get the biggest and most exposure or gallery shows etc. You basically try to get famous in the world system. This is bankrupt of course, in the end as a true motivation to keep creating.
There are the three monsters against the art world: some form of materialism, some form of witchcraft or false advertising serving fame, and some form of narcissism which looks at the artist as god. In truth artist play a priestly role, but their creative nature is a reflection of who God is, and meant to be a sign of hope joy and inspiration and freedom for others.
In the church, it is more a problem of using artist to promote your own agenda, so it is prostitutional use of the arts. Both need to contextualize themselves in a Kingdom of Jesus setting in order to be able to interpret the true meaning and purpose of the arts.
Seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, and all these things, including a context of arts and culture, will be added unto you….
More soon from this interview.
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