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Texas Sky

04 Saturday Jun 2016

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Here in Texas you notice sky first! There is space between thoughts and people. That’s its strength and shadow. A high contrast place. Bold and beautiful. Nice to observe it on the way in. Clearly a leader-a big picture place.
The land teaches you that you are part of a bigger story, a grand narrative. And if you want to be Adam or Eve in it, you need to show up! Behold, be humble yourself, and know.
The sky is enormous here. First character you notice. The sky breaks through into every conversation-it’s endless with possible outcomes. A unique context to consider life within.
The native Americans felt the sky as father. Makes sense here. A long reaching view space. Long term, long horn i.e. Big authority, Peace considering from Being space. A father creator spirituality. A view on the coming storms. You can see a storm coming from fifty miles here, and consider its velocity, its pace, its potential impact.
Where I grew up you have crescendoes and a domed sky, not endless horizons; here you have operatic thunderstorms, history rolling in, present distance-Big gestures of being. No way to ignore it. The sky is humbling here.
In England, and where I grew up, you are just where you’re at, the local tells of the grandeur-the tiny reveals the whole; here,you are in the vast sweep, the endless dome of being. The rolling thunder of history-Texas, still.
“When a father is quiet at the end of the night, a whole house sleeps!”

notes from Prague…

26 Thursday May 2016

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Nice to back in lovely Prague…
My office today is at Miss Sophie’s in Prague. I love hearing at least three languages being spoken around me as I work. I’ve got a bad cold-so, a nice place to recover. There is kindness here. Helps a lot in life, especially in travel when sick. To be treated with dignity. Benevolence—willing to do good to other for their own sake; akin to love. To put another’s needs above your own, and to do good to them, for their own sake. It’s a proactive orientation towards life, and when it is present in places, you immediately feel welcome. Thankful for this space started by friends of ours. I was a stranger and you welcomed me. Now, i come here so often, I am no longer a stranger, but still feel welcomed. Thanks friends.
They also tolerate artist who need to take pictures of trams in motion at night-i like to pick a theme to frame trips—this one may be textures, motion and patterns in Prague. Sort of futurism grounded in a sense of place. At least so far.
Great to be back where we once lived, seeing friends. I’m studying the book Henri Nouwen put out after he died. I wonder if I could publish a book after I was dead, that’s impressive. Also studying Dallas Willard’s great meditations on spiritual formation in his book, “Renovation of the heart”. Nice combo. Keeps me in the right orientation towards life as I travel. Looking at God through all I see, or as Nouwen put it: “..the world of experience starts pointing beyond itself to the luminous Source of wisdom and understanding..”!
Anyway, good trip so far. Seeing dear friends here-Plus garlic soup, goulash, and beer seem to help in sickness, at least the soul! This place Zizema is where my friends do church-great space. Great art pub/speakeasy layered in history, music and tales. Rich texture. More photos to come, when i can see straight again. I’m just getting started. If I weren’t sick, I would get some good ones! In the meantime, I’ll work with surrealism. Oh yes, also went to Jan Hus chapel, that actor on Heroes (Sark, i think was his character’s name) and Alias-artful tv series-as well as lots of movies happened to be there. I like his work. Nice to see him. I always seem to run into famous folks. Life’s been good to me so far. I know God loves me, I think He also likes me.

We are more than crippled!

18 Wednesday May 2016

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More than crippled, we are! We are becoming sons and daughters of God, and brothers, sisters and friends of Jesus! This changes everything. We choose to stand up, and then He teaches us how to walk!
The story of the crippled man by the pool of Bethesda, contains a pattern of not just initial healing, but what is required to walk it out. At the start of the story, Jesus evokes him, by asking him if he really wants to be whole. Not just physically healed, but to see himself in an entirely new way, a new light. To re-align His feeling about himself with Jesus’ feelings about him.
To re-align ourselves with how the Kingdom sees us, who we really are in His Kingdom is Christ-centered spirituality. Are we willing not just to stand up, but to learn to walk out our new life, no longer seeing ourselves as wounded victims of our situation, but seeing and feeling about ourselves as God does.
This is to address the spring of feelings and our interpretation of our lives. This is more than initial salvation, this is walking in His process of depth sanctification. This little story presents a pattern of how Jesus heals us, or makes us whole. It starts with a question, and our saying yes. Then what is required of us, is an entire recalibration of being. We no longer see ourselves as rippled, wounded losers by the pool, ones who cannot reproduce, ones who are stranded without social impact.
And what happens when the man stands up, is he must now find an entirely different network of support as well. His social life changes. How others have treated him is no longer appropriate. He has been changed by a Jesus encounter, and must make a new life.
Jesus tells His disciples, leave what you are doing, and follow me. That is the starting point. Then they learn to walk with Him. There entire life path and mission changed. They had new people to hang out with and grow with, they went to physically new places. Many were fishermen, and probably did not travel so much. Now they would travel all over, and even go out to other nations. Their journeys changed. They ended up in spaces they would not have, had they not met The Man Jesus.
The man by the pool or the woman by the well, both afterwards, had to make up a new life. They were no longer seekers, but those who had found the source of all Healing. Now, their lives were radically altered. They could no longer sit in the same places they did before, or be perceived by others in the same way. They had changed. Now, their whole lives aim would be to be like the One who had changed them.
Our feelings and thoughts start to center around His, and are altered by this communion with His thoughts and feelings, and imaging of us. We feel and think differently about ourselves and others. We start to perceive ourselves as something other than just crippled! More than crippled, us!
We see things more from a Kingdom perspective, because we have encountered, been saved, and are now being radically transformed by walking with and in Him. We enter the trajectory of being made whole in Jesus! Our union with Him, not just heals us, it transforms us, as we walk along with Him. We no longer lean into our own understanding and interpretation, even of ourselves; rather in every situation we lean into His interpretation and understanding, and we learn to trust that He will then direct our ways, and guide our thoughts and interpretations, and hence our feelings which follow from our interpretations.
And even when we cannot see or interpret fully, we trust that He can, and will reveal to us, what we need to know.
These characters in scripture, offer hope for true lasting transformation. Of moving from salvation into a life of sanctification in Christ. Where His Life is more fully formed in us. Our entire vision of who we are, and what life is is altered by our proximity to Him. We start to become who we truly are, as we walk next to Jesus. We come to interpret ourselves and others around us much more accurately, and we come to act accordingly.

Do you want to be made whole?

16 Monday May 2016

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The story of the crippled man by the pool of Bethesda, contains a pattern of not just initial healing, but what is required to walk it out. At the start of the story, Jesus evokes him, by asking him if he really wants to be whole. Not just physically healed, but to see himself in an entirely new way, a new light. To re-align His feeling about himself with Jesus’ feelings about him.
To re-align ourselves with how the Kingdom sees us, who we really are in His Kingdom is Christ-centered spirituality. Are we willing not just to stand up, but to learn to walk out our new life, no longer seeing ourselves as wounded victims of our situation, but seeing and feeling about ourselves as God does.
This is to address the spring of feelings and our interpretation of our lives. This is more than initial salvation, this is walking in His process of depth sanctification. This little story presents a pattern of how Jesus heals us, or makes us whole. It starts with a question, and our saying yes. Then what is required of us, is an entire recalibration of being. We no longer see ourselves as rippled, wounded losers by the pool, ones who cannot reproduce, ones who are stranded without social impact.
And what happens when the man stands up, is he must now find an entirely different network of support as well. His social life changes. How others have treated him is no longer appropriate. He has been changed by a Jesus encounter, and must make a new life.
Jesus tells His disciples, leave what you are doing, and follow me. That is the starting point. Then they learn to walk with Him. There entire life path and mission changed. They had new people to hang out with and grow with, they went to physically new places. Many were fishermen, and probably did not travel so much. Now they would travel all over, and even go out to other nations. Their journeys changed. They ended up in spaces they would not have, had they not met The Man Jesus.
The man by the pool or the woman by the well, both afterwards, had to make up a new life. They were no longer seekers, but those who had found the source of all Healing. Now, their lives were radically altered. They could no longer sit in the same places they did before, or be perceived by others in the same way. They had changed. Now, their whole lives aim would be to be like the One who had changed them.
Our feelings and thoughts start to center around His, and are altered by this communion. We feel and think differently about ourselves and others. We see things more from a Kingdom perspective, because we have encountered, been saved, and are now being radically transformed by walking with and in Him. Our union with Him, not just heals us, it transforms us. We no longer lean into our own understanding and interpretation, even of ourselves; rather in every situation we lean into His interpretation and understanding, and we learn to trust that He will then direct our ways. And even when we cannot see or interpret fully, we trust that He can, and will reveal to us, what we need to know.
These characters offer hope for true lasting transformation. Of moving from salvation into a life of sanctification in Christ. Where His Life is more fully formed in us. Do we want to be whole? Jesus asks each of us!

12 Thursday May 2016

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In the spirit of Jeremiah, having to repeatedly re-write his prophecies…
I want to do a really short version of a teaching which took me three years to download. The order of cities conquered in the book of Joshua are a prophetic map for how God wants to come into and cultivate us, is also the order and nature of our own personal sanctification process.
First city, Jericho was guarded by the enemy of prostitution. The second city, the enemy was our own soul plans versus God’s perfect plan (basically, idolatry that is lifting out soul and it’s ideas above His Spirit (sin of the enlightenment); in the third, Ai, we have friendly fire. Confusion coming in from those close to us.

Whose voice do we trust? Our Shepherd or those around us–to what degree do we need to approval of man to proceed in spiritual growth? In each, we get God’s strategy of inhabiting the spiritual lands we are meant to be and ultimately cultivating; and we have the order of enemy plans against each claiming and cultivating those specific lands. The book of Joshua is a map for our times in so many ways–both internally and externally.

Crossing the Jordan of death to self, we enter the place of partnership with occupying and cultivating, unifying and harvesting, the lands meant to be our inheritance in Christ. It is a guidebook to unity, within and without. And there are battles throughout, for each new territory in ourselves and our world.
It starts with the priest artist doing the symbol actions which tell the whole story, and proceeds with the labor of love for each new aspect of the land.
What we have is a map of how God actually does sanctification. And we have a map of how He is still doing it in our times. There is a order to cities, and an order of how to overcome the enemies guarding each city.
In the art world, for instance there is the enemies of prostitution, witchcraft and sorcery. This is consistent across time. One of these comes against artist and tries to destroy or in inhibit or annihilate them. The ways of these three enemies are clearly spelled out in scripture. And we are asked to move in His Ways against them.

Proper Alignment

12 Thursday May 2016

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Life is about positioning-what are we pointed towards. Self or God?
If every action in your life is poised towards God, your life will bear good fruit. We practice letting more of our activities daily be “unto Him,” or aimed towards God. We wash dishes unto God, we cook and clean unto God, we make art unto God, we drink coffee and have conversations unto God, we do fb entries unto God. Our action does not have to be overtly about God, but rather unto, before or in His Presence. Then, every activity is potentially holy. If conversely, we point our actions towards self, our lives become progressively less holy, and more dis-integrated. When we aim towards God, ironically, we discover our true selves. “He whispers our names into the inner chambers of our hearts.” Jesus was constantly aimed towards Father God. Alignment is everything in the spiritual life.

12 Thursday May 2016

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Diary entry about what I learn from my dogs:
I have two types of dogs-
one with very specifically focused affections;
the other, who gives them everywhere;
both ways, seem useful
depending on the day
or the situation.
Jakob doesn’t care, he’s like King David dancing half naked before the ark,
as long as he’s not in trouble.
the rest of his life is sheer
love of everything at once-every scent and motion, a
potential path to explore. ( i relate to that)
a gusto for the universe
without discrimination,
a ubiquitous scattered passion for all.
So, a love willing to be worn thin again and again,
yet, trusting it will return.
The priest, Henri Nouwenn spoke of
putting boundaries on our loves, so they
become more potently focused, more accurately planted. More, potentially fruitful.
As you put edges on a garden, you notice the whole process,
of fruitfulness, more astutely, you
make it yours to know through,
 learn from, and be changed by, formed.
I’m not sure Jakob has downloaded that teaching yet.
Nor have I fully.
Pearl, my other dog, is often pointedly concerned,
she carries the weight of caring, the burden of being,
having come out of Hurricane Katrina-
a pearl of great cost forged in suffering.
Often, I want to make her life simpler, lighter
for her, for her own sake.
Just so she never wastes her suffering.
I learn so much of God from both of my dog’s ways!
“The whole universe can be learned from causing the creatures to praise!”
as one saint put it.

un-edited notes

10 Tuesday May 2016

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Raw diary notes unedited…
I’m being equipped in how to disciple, by first practicing it in myself. One aspect is to know how and when to retreat from people to the deserted places (Luke 5). When you are, as i am, prophetic pastoral, you want to help others, but you also see lots of what they really need. The nuances, the layers, and you have to often draw near to God to process all you see together with Him, partly so you can see how He is really helping them. And partly just to get in re-awe of just how kind and thorough He is towards each of us! His thousand daily thoughts towards each of us daily! They are real, nuanced, specific …
Drawing near often throughout the day is one praxis for those in ministry, or those who have both a pastoral and prophetic heart–those who care deeply, but also see far. Learning how to be both a sensitive shepherd and a far viewing prophet is to integrate two parts of His Life which He alone has integrated. We see and know, and we also care and want to minister His Life into each situation. It’s a journey how these dance together. He is integrating the two in my own spirituality currently. And it requires some practices.
Often clinging to Christ, when there are many pulls outwards to others. Probably why I’m studying spiritual disciplines and contemplation. How do I draw near? Study, travel, seeing in Him etc. Practicing this throughout the days. Jesus was in His public ministry when He retreated often to be with His Father. Even awareness of animal’s needs is hard when you are drained. How ministers stay close to God while giving so much to others is a key. That full silent active listening hour with God becomes essential.
King David often returned throughout the day, even while ruling an entire nation. It’s possible to be a king and still stay intimate with God. For one, you need time to process it all with God. Come let us reason…Silence into active listening to God; Merton’s going to abandoned huge churches often…etc.  It means you won’t be available to others at times, and that’s hard for ministers! Still, it is more important that you be close and filled with God, even if your motivation is to help others. I’m never not aware of people. I can will not to engage, but I’m always aware of them. At times, i need to be close to those who do not pull. That’s ok. Permission granted. To cling to Christ often regardless other’s needs is a hard discipline for a ministry oriented person. The poor will be with you always…but Jesus only did what He saw the father doing.
IT’s ok to just write and converse with other peers this season for a bit! You need that mutuality right now. Still, i will always minister. I trust that He will bring the right younger ones around at His Time. I”m sort of in a secret place part of my spiritual growth. He hasn’t really shared me yet; He is still forming this next season of Himself in me. That’s ok. Giving me insights into elder’s issues, and other leaders, and lots of deeper revelation of His Nature through scriptures. Really expanding my theology of being. And teaching me to abide in Him more constantly. Been a rich season. Less ministry, more just prayer and study. I’ve come to enjoy the monastic quality of it, even as a spiritual extrovert!
I can feel much more His Fatherhood gathering in my heart; and others are drawn just to sit near Him in me. Nice.
Ok, to just chat with the fathers on line. So many needs expressed there, it’s ok also to pull away from public media in order to stay and abide and reside in Him, at times….
I think i’m giving myself permission to be more in a formation season than a ministering outward one. It’s not easy when you still perceive needs around you constantly. But we are meant to be led by His Spirit not the needs of others. It’s a discipline for me. To see what others need, but to be mainly watching and led by Him, even if it doesn’t feel fruitful. Yet, I know His deeper formation in me is always fruitful. He knows I will want to run around blessings others soon enough. But for now He is jealous just for me. How remarkable His Love is.

just a dream

05 Thursday May 2016

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Had a dream where I was being raised softly but deftly, and swiftly through layers of grasses upwards towards the sky. Felt absolute trust, as both grass and sky were so comforting. The grass felt safe; the sky, like adventure. Made me less afraid of death and to see it more as a transition. Of course, I was praying for a funeral yesterday, so that may explain it. Still, how pleasant to consider our journeys continuing softly from grass to sky. I think I’ll paint this dream and see what I can glean from it. I love dreams!

Being a blessing, despite us

03 Tuesday May 2016

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Last night, in an early cool Austin evening, a girl sat down across from me at a local cafe, and said, “I just want to be silent near you, is that ok. I won’t take anything, but you walk in Peace, and I need to be near that right now.” Wow—that was a nice compliment.
Often i feel tumultuous, as my personality is so sensitive to my surroundings, and often dynamically volatile or reactive, but I’m glad that Peace is coming off me, despite myself. That the place in which I’m really sitting or seated internally, is emanating regardless of how i feel in the moment!
Another guy, I often see around town, who has had a tough life, today said,
“I always appreciate saying hi to you.” I’ve had so many moments like this this week, again despite being very busy and not feeling like I’m doing a great job, as I’ve been moving outside my “gift set” lots this week-spiritually stretching, as they say.
“Being reminded of how limited we each are, and yet, how boundlessly we can bless, when living in His Spirit!” as one early monk put it.
 People need to ground and feel safe to be themselves, and I hope that I am an honest authentic, creative, and safe place of Peace for others-a tree others can rest near, even if just for a moment. More and more, that’s what makes me happy.
Also been given several things for free this week, and I felt like they were offering it to something beyond me.
I like reminders like this. Just to be a place of Peace is often the biggest gift we can be, especially in our tumultuous times. Thankful to still be here this week, and that my presence might be a blessing in spite of myself.
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